Félix Lope de Vega y Carpio

Madness in Valencia

Los locos de Valencia

Traducción de Los locos de Valencia

Vega Carpio, Lope de. <<Madness in Valencia>> . Translated by David Johnston with an introduction by Isabel Torres. London: Oberon Books, 1998.

Joan Oleza Simó (Investigador principal) David Johnston (Traductor) Barreda Villafranca, Cristina (Editor)

English · Verso · 2499 versos

https://playcode.fly.dev/plays/EMOTHE0230_MadnessInValencia

Characters

FLORIANO

VALERIO

ERIFILA

LEONATO

PISANO

MARTÍN

THOMAS

FEDRA

LAIDA

LIBERTO

SANCHO

VERINO

BELARDO a madman

MORDACHO a madman

MADMEN

Act I

Scene 1

(A wood on the outskirts of Valencia, beside the city’s famous madhouse.)

FLORIANO

Valerio, I’m over here. 1

VALERIO

I came as quickly as I could, 2

as soon as your message arrived. 3

FLORIANO

It took me four days to get here, 4

riding hard from Zaragoza, 5

with the devil himself behind me. 6

VALERIO

Your face is the colour of death. 7

FLORIANO

There was no one else I could trust... 8

you’re the only friend I’ve got left. 9

VALERIO

Tell me for God’s sake what you’ve done. 10

FLORIANO

I... 11

VALERIO

What?

FLORIANO

I...

VALERIO

You what?

FLORIANO

I... ah... killed

VALERIO

Holy God in heaven! Murdered? 12

You mean you’ve murdered someone? Who? 13

FLORIANO

A man... are you sure we’re alone? 14

VALERIO

Positive. Tell me, who was it? 15

FLORIANO

A man who’de’ve destroyed me if... 16

VALERIO

Floriano, stand still, will you, 17

there’s not a soul for miles around, 18

except the crazed creatures in there. 19

FLORIANO

Try and put yourself in my place, 20

every rustle, every murmur... 21

VALERIO

Calm down and tell me who it was. 22

FLORIANO

They’ll be scouring the whole country, 23

I can’t even trust my own shadow. 24

VALERIO

You’re in a worse state than your victim... 25

you’re a mess of nerves. 26

FLORIANO

I panicked.

I stole a horse and we bolted 27

from Zaragoza to Valencia, 28

down lonely country tracks and lanes, 29

begging bread from the odd goatherd, 30

though I’ve been hungry for four days. 31

That’s what happened. In a nutshell. 32

VALERIO

Let’s see if we can crack the nut. 33

Who was it? 34

FLORIANO

If I’m seen, I’m dead.

VALERIO

Some gentleman? No... not a priest? 35

FLORIANO

In God’s name, I swear I don’t know. 36

VALERIO

Then, my friend, you are dead indeed, 37

for if you refuse to trust me 38

and keep on playing foolish games... 39

FLORIANO

All right, I’ll tell you who it was... 40

He was a nobleman... a prince, 41

a sort of prince. 42

VALERIO

What sort of prince?

FLORIANO

Prince Reinero... 43

VALERIO

Reinero! He’s...

FLORIANO

I know... tenth in line to the throne. 44

I’ve had four days to work it out. 45

VALERIO

They’ll hunt you to the ends of the earth, 46

Like hounds close down a fox. 47

FLORIANO

Thank you.

I knew I could rely on you. 48

VALERIO

God knows, if I could give my life 49

four yours, then you’d be a free man. 50

If I could bring him back to life 51

with the love that I have for you... 52

but your sin is against God and man. 53

Though danger can sharpen the wits 54

And invention may save you yet. 55

We must think. (Silence.) How dit it happen? 56

How did you get past all those guards? 57

FLORIANO

Let’s get one thing clear – I killed him. 58

I did not assassinate him! 59

It was bad luck, sheer misfortune 60

that brought him and me face to face 61

in the house of a certain lady... 62

Celia... she’s got the loveliest eyes... 63

VALERIO

More blood’s been spilt for the sake of love 64

than in all man’s battles and wars. 65

FLORIANO

Believe me, I’d no taste for blood... 66

I just wanted to get away, 67

but he flew into a fury 68

and would listen to no reason. 69

There were two guards waiting outside 70

and he set them on me like dogs. 71

I ran into a narrow lane 72

and he came thundering after me. 73

I knew that I was about to die 74

and with the courage of the dead 75

I drew my sword and turned round. 76

His guards had no room to get past, 77

and I ran my sword through his arm, 78

and plunged it clean into his heart. 79

He fell like an ox at slaughter. 80

VALERIO

You’re absolutely sure he’s dead? 81

FLORIANO

I drove my sword in to the hilt 82

and felt his blood run down my wrist. 83

Then I turned on my heels and ran, 84

thanking God for my good fortune, 85

for to stay would have tempted fate, 86

and I heard a voice crying out: 87

‘You’ll not escape us, you bastard; 88

This is no ordinary man you’ve killed, 89

but Reinero, a grandee of Spain.’ 90

My blood froze, though thank God not my feet, 91

and long before the cold dawn broke 92

I’d put ten miles between them and me. 93

Fear can be the cruellest, sharpest spur. 94

VALERIO

There’s no telling where they might be, 95

they could be as far north as France 96

or as far south as hot Seville. 97

FLORIANO

Or waiting round the next corner. 98

VALERIO

There’s nowhere in Spain you are safe, 99

and there is no easy escape. 100

Your sword is bigger than your brain. 101

God damn your recklessness in love! 102

I’m being pulled in all directions... 103

a thousand possibilities 104

and not a hope that’s hard and fast. 105

How can I keep a king at bay? 106

How could I hope to shelter you 107

in a town full of prying eyes? 108

There’s nowhere you won’t create a stir. 109

Unless... unless... the asylum! 110

Could you pretend to have gone mad, 111

you know, ranting, raving, so on, 112

so that they take you for a loony? 113

FLORIANO

Do you think I’m not already? 114

But I’ll not have any madhouse, 115

I’ve seen the wretches they torture there. 116

VALERIO

There’s an asylum in Valencia 117

as famous as the world is wide, 118

where all sorts of fits and frenzies 119

are treated and cured with science. 120

If you go into the madhouse 121

Your enemies will think you dead. 122

FLORIANO

In rags, in dirt, amongst the mad... 123

VALERIO

I think you may well benefit, 124

and besides, it’s your only hope. 125

FLORIANO

Valerio, you’ve saved my life! 126

I’ll rant and rave to such effect, 127

even you will doubt my sanity. 128

VALERIO

Just act as though you were in love. 129

What greater madness is there? 130

Scene 2

(Enter ERIFILA and LEONATO, both dressed in travelling clothes.)

LEONATO

Thank God, Valencia is last, 131

the city of love and war. 132

You can see the walls over there, 133

and the banks of the Turia 134

as it flows down towards the sea. 135

Perhaps we can find some peace here, 136

a bed to lie down together. 137

ERIFILA

Everywhere looks so green and lush. 138

LEONATO

They call this the orchard of Spain, 139

a place for our love to grow green. 140

FLORIANO

Do you know them? 141

VALERIO

No, they’re strangers.

Let’s go. 142

FLORIANO

God, you don’t think that they’re...

VALERIO

They’re a pair of lovers, that’s all, 143

as mad as you in their own way. 144

Let’s get you to the asylum. 145

I know the administrator. 146

He has a house within the grounds. 147

Scene 3

ERIFILA

This is a paradise. 148

LEONATO

Maybe.

ERIFILA

I feel so free, so fortunate, 149

so far away from my father. 150

Do you think he’ll come after us? 151

LEONATO

He’ll wash his hands of us for ever, 152

and do what all gentlefolk do. 153

Try to silence the wagging tongues, 154

say you’re no longer his daughter 155

and that his servant betrayed him. 156

ERIFILA

If he knew how much I loved you, 157

then he would say that I was crazed. 158

(LEONATO reacts angrily to this final word.)

LEONATO

Then perhaps it is a madness. 159

You and I lived in different worlds. 160

I beg you, choose your words with care, 161

for the love that I have for you 162

makes me equal to any man. 163

I’m not longer just your servant. 164

ERIFILA

I’ve never thought of you like that! 165

LEONATO

Careless words betray a doubting heart. 166

ERIFILA

Tell me, what have my words betrayed? 167

LEONATO

Your every word, your silences, speak eloquently of regret. 168

ERIFILA

I’ve given you my soul, my life, 169

the two dearest things I possess, 170

I gave them willingly to you. 171

How can you take offence from that, 172

and how can you talk of madness? 173

LEONATO

It was you spoke of being crazed. 174

The servant and his master’s daughter. 175

That’s not love... it’s a laughing stock. 176

ERIFILA

Have you suddenly become less? 177

I fell in love with a servant 178

because you were my father’s servant. 179

But my eyes saw you as you were 180

and I love you now as you are. 181

LEONATO

What could you see? Contempt, disdain... 182

All these things are invisible. 183

Buy I lived them, day in, day out. 184

Contempt, disdain, in every look, 185

in every word that’s been uttered. 186

ERIFILA

You’re the one who’s crazy. 187

LEONATO

Crazy?

Because I stand up for myself? 188

ERIFILA

Stand up for yourself against what? 189

What imaginary offence? 190

That it was madness to run away? 191

That I was crazed with love for you? 192

LEONATO

I can hear what’s behind those words 193

and I can see what’s in your heart. 194

ERIFILA

Who better to read it than you? 195

It is yours through love and reason. 196

But if all you seek is an excuse 197

to leave me here alone, then go. 198

LEONATO

You pour insult upon insult. 199

You call your love ‘a mere madness’ 200

and you think me a man of no shame 201

who’d abandon you in this wood. 202

I said choose your words with great care. 203

ERIFILA

I don’t know you, Leonato. 204

Dark thoughts have taken hold of you 205

and blinded you to who I am. 206

LEONATO

Disdain for disdain, my lady. 207

I’ve come to my senses at last. 208

ERIFILA

Did I ever say you’d lost them? 209

LEONATO

Yes. 210

ERIFILA

No, I didn’t!

LEONATO

Yes, you did!

ERIFILA

Take that back, because it’s not true. 211

LEONATO

What’s a servant but a liar. 212

If you had loved me, as you claim, 213

you would have slept and lain with me, 214

not whined on about your honour, 215

about what you call your honour. 216

And my tears and pleas fell like seed 217

on the hard ground of your dead heart. 218

You say you saw me and loved me? 219

You’ve never looked at anyone 220

in your life; your eyes are as blind 221

as your heart is cold. 222

ERIFILA

My honour

is a precious to me as life, 223

and until you are my husband 224

it remains mine and mine alone. 225

I’ve given you no excuses 226

and I’ll accept no reproaches. 227

What if I had lain down with you? 228

Where would you have been the next day? 229

Like all men, your pleas come easy, 230

easy come just as easy go. 231

LEONATO

Desire pays no heed to honour 232

and the fire that burns before 233

is only fanned all the more by love; 234

your excuse? You didn’t trust me. 235

A fiction, a fantasy, a lie. 236

There’s not a single word you’ve said 237

that’s not been rotten through and through. 238

Tell me I’m wrong, that you love me, 239

that your airs and graces, your contempt, 240

are a figment of my dark thoughts. 241

ERIFILA

You’re a fool. 242

LEONATO

I’ve been made a fool.

ERIFILA

If I’d taken you for a fool, 243

if my love were as false as you say, 244

would I have left my parents’hourse, 245

left my city, risked everything? 246

LEONATO

It was hatred not love brought you here. 247

Hatred for your parents, for your home, 248

not love for a simple servant. 249

ERIFILA

Hatred? Why? I hated on one. 250

Was life at home so hard for me, 251

and my own beauty so lacking 252

that I had to seek a match in you? 253

I could’ve married a thousand times. 254

My parents would have wept for joy. 255

But I chose you. We’ve said harsh words. 256

They will make our love grow stronger 257

if we can force them from our minds. 258

LEONATO

Then let us force them from our minds. 259

(Silence.) Where are the jewels? 260

ERIFILA

What jewels?

LEONATO

The ones that you had in your bag. 261

I need them to pay for an inn. 262

ERIFILA

You mean that we’ve no money left? 263

LEONATO

Not a peseta. 264

ERIFILA

Sell this then.

LEONATO

I want them all. 265

ERIFILA

All of them?

LEONATO

Now.

ERIFILA

How do I know that you’ll come back? 266

LEONATO

You’ll pay for that insult, my lady. 267

ERIFILA

I’m not your lady, I love you! 268

You don’t have to steal my jewels. 269

They belong to you already, 270

Like everything else that is mine. 271

Your are my husband. 272

LEONATO

No I’m not!

Give me the jewels, lying bitch. 273

ERIFILA

Why are you doing this to me? 274

LEONATO

Give them to me or I’ll kill you. 275

(He unsheaths a dagger.)

ERIFILA

You’re showing your true colours now. 276

LEONATO

All of them! 277

ERIFILA

There aren’t any more.

Put it away. 278

LEONATO

It’s gone.

(He sheaths the dagger.) Your cloak.

ERIFILA

My cloak, what for? 279

LEONATO

Stay calm.

ERIFILA

Stay calm!

LEONATO

Another word and I’ll kill you. 280

ERIFILA

You’d kill me for speaking? You are mad! 281

(He unsheaths the dagger.)

LEONATO

Your cloak. 282

ERIFILA

Don’t hurt me.

LEONATO

Then don’t speak.

(He sheaths the dagger.) Now take off the rest of your clothes. 283

ERIFILA

My clothes? 284

LEONATO

Take them off.

ERIFILA

No, please don’t...

LEONATO

By Christ, I said another word 285

and I’d cut you from arse to tit! 286

(He unsheaths the dagger.)

ERIFILA

I feel sick! 287

LEONATO

Stop pretending!

ERIFILA

Please!

(He looks at her with contempt.)

LEONATO

I wouldn’t waste my strength on you. 288

What’s it like to have nothing? 289

What’s like to feel ashamed? 290

(He makes to leave.)

ERIFILA

You can’t leave me here like this? 291

LEONATO

No?

ERIFILA

Then kill me, I don’t give a damn. 292

LEONATO

That would be too easy for you. 293

ERIFILA

Bastard! Bastard! Wait for me... please. 294

LEONATO

What is there for me to wait for? 295

(LEONATO disappears, leaving ERIFILA standing naked in the clearing.)

Scene 4

ERIFILA

What else could I have expected? 296

He’s gone, left me here high and dry. 297

What in God’s name am I to do now, 298

alone in a strange country 299

with no money and no name, 300

not even a shirt for my back? 301

Treacherous coward! Brute! Pig! 302

God knows, he was always a coward. 303

A servant with a servant’s soul. 304

But he was a cunning bastard 305

and I really thought I had him fooled, 306

that I was besotted with him, 307

that I couldn’t wait another day 308

before leaving my loving parents 309

with him. He was right. Who was he? 310

The vile servant of a hard father 311

who wanted his daughter married, 312

who talked and thought of nothing else. 313

I’m a thousand times better off 314

here than ther, married to my cousin. 315

At least he took only my clothes. 316

How can I go anywhere like this? 317

I told him I was mad for him, 318

that I could think of nothing else; 319

for years I’ve thought of my escape, 320

for years I thought of nothing else, 321

and now I can’t think for myself. 322

If I stay here, I’ll go insane. 323

(She hears voices and hides.)

Scene 5

(Enter VALERIO, PISANO, MARTIN and THOMAS. ERIFILA has hidden.)

PISANO

He’s certainly in a bad way; 324

ranting and raving, furious, 325

snarling at his own shadow, 326

reciting speeches from Shakespeare 327

and spewing white foam from his mouth 328

like a hungry dog in a butcher’s. 329

VALERIO

He couldn’t be in better hands. 330

PISANO

You’ve seen the administrator? 331

He’ll have told you how advanced 332

Valencian medicine is 333

when it comes to treating loonies. 334

VALERIO

I’m not sure about medicines. 335

Perhaps we should just wait and see. 336

PISANO

Personally, I’d have him locked up. 337

We keep twenty wooden cages 338

with cleaner straw than any inn. 339

That’s where we put the wilder ones. 340

For their own good, you understand. 341

VALERIO

He’ll calm down when the full moon wanes. 342

If he finds himself locked away 343

he’ll fall into melancholy 344

and be dead before the night’s out. 345

Let him move freely with the rest 346

of the poor innocents that live here. 347

PISANO

You’ll assume responsibility? 348

VALERIO

Fully. 349

PISANO

Name?

VALERIO

Orlando.

PISANO

That’s it?

VALERIO

His family name is... Furioso. 350

PISANO

Orlando Furioso... 351

That has a familiar ring. 352

Where’s he from? 353

VALERIO

From Italy.

A dangerously hot-blooded race. 354

PISANO

Well he was ranting in Spanish. 355

VALERIO

Remarkable, The gift of tongues. 356

His mother was Spanish, I think. 357

ERIFILA

If they see me like this, I’m lost. 358

They’ll have me in a cage with him. 359

PISANO

His profession? 360

VALERIO

Scholar and critic.

PISANO

Of philosophy? 361

VALERIO

Of plays.

PISANO

Ah!

I’ve know other cases like his. 362

VALERIO

There’s an added complication. 363

Love. 364

PISANO

A sorry combination.

Actors tend to addle the brains 365

while Cupid enrages the heart. 366

VALERIO

It’s no wonder wise men counsel 367

that we treat love and books like the plague. 368

PISANO

In all things, great moderation. 369

Here we study the roots of madness: 370

the lack of food that starves the brain, 371

the moon that crazes human reason, 372

excessive devotion to books, 373

the blind pursuit of the passions 374

(of which love and masturbation 375

Are thye most dangerous by far). 376

Look at these two for example. 377

VALERIO

What about them? 378

PISANO

They were scholars

who wrote all sorts of treatises 379

and learned works on things obscure: 380

philosophy, astronomy, 381

and dreams of impossible things. 382

They teetered on the edge of sanity 383

for years in their university... 384

Then one day they both fell in love... 385

VALERIO

With each other? 386

PISANO

With the same girl.

Two weeks later they were in here. 387

We had them locked up for a year, 388

to calm their blood. Now they work well. 389

We even let them go into town 390

to beg for alms. Thomas, come here. 391

ERIFILA

How can I get away from here? 392

PISANO

(Patting THOMAS on the head.) Well, son, what have you got to say? 393

THOMAS

I was my father’s son all right. 394

He’s dead and gone... who does that leave me? 395

PISANO

Martin, do you know who you are? 396

MARTIN

Yes, but I don’t want him to hear... 397

He believes he’s Don Quijote, 398

just a character in a book. 399

I should know... didn’t I write it? 400

VALERIO

Martin thinks that he’s Cervantes? 401

PISANO

Who? 402

MARTIN

There’s a woman over there!

THOMAS

Sweet Dulcinea awaits me! 403

MARTIN

I wrote the book! That means she’s mine, 404

I’m going to make you a donkey! 405

ERIFILA

There’s only one way out of this... 406

(She emerges clad in leaves.) Help me, God in heaven! Justice! 407

(MARTIN and THOMAS knell.)

THOMAS

Dulcinea! 408

MARTIN

Sweet forest nymph!

Do you fancy a parti in a book? 409

ERIFILA

Oh kind sirs, help me, I beg you. 410

A poor maiden in deep distress 411

who has beed robbed of her jewels 412

and her clothes and left here for dead. 413

PISANO

Then we have arrived just in time. 414

VALERIO

I swear I took her for an inmate. 415

ERIFILA

Scarcely had I come to this fair place 416

when a highwayman, a bandit 417

set about me. 418

THOMAS

My poor lady!

ERIFILA

What? 419

THOMAS

Stand still I beg you.

ERIFILA

What for?

THOMAS

So that I may do you homage. 420

My knightly pursuits demand it. 421

ERIFILA

I had enough nightly pursuits 422

from Leonato. Get off me! 423

PISANO

No, she’s not an inmate of ours 424

though I’m quite sure she soon will be. 425

Such intemperance! 426

ERIFILA

Can you blame me?

(To VALERIO.) Kind sir, you are a gentleman, 427

and can see the distress I am in. 428

Everything I had has been taken. 429

MARTIN

Even her brainpan’s been ransacked. 430

ERIFILA

My jewels were worth a fortune, 431

a king’s ransom in emeralds. 432

PISANO

That’s it: that’s the locus dementis. 433

‘Every wiseman hath his problem, 434

every madman his obsession.’ 435

It holds true of madwomen too. 436

THOMAS

Who’s Leonato? Your lover? 437

ERIFILA

I’d kill any man said he was. 438

THOMAS

Harsh words spoken to your sworn knight, 439

one who lives and breathes for his lady. 440

PISANO

Thomas! 441

MARTIN

Does she know who you are?

ERIFILA

He doesn’t even know who he is! 442

MARTIN

I’ll have her after. 443

ERIFILA

You’ll do what?

If you were knights or gentlemen, 444

one of you would give me a cape 445

so that I may cover myself 446

and be on my way. 447

PISANO

She’s cunning.

At times she seems to reason well, 448

but the source of her madness is clear. 449

Grab her! 450

ERIFILA

Grab me? What have I done?

PISANO

Go on, grab her! 451

ERIFILA

You try it, knight,

and you’ll never right another wrong. 452

THOMAS

Moorish whore! Prison for you! 453

ERIFILA

Prison? Why prison in God’s name? 454

What have I done to merit this abuse? 455

There’s not a drop of common sense 456

among the whole damned crew of you. 457

PISANO

Take an arm each. 458

ERIFILA

I came for help,

I told you that I had been robbed... 459

Is this your idea of justice? 460

What sort of place is Valencia? 461

PISANO

You’ll come to thank us for this act. 462

Your tortured mind’s oblivious 463

to the concern we feel for you. 464

ERIFILA

So why are you kidnapping me 465

and taking me to a madhouse? 466

I was robbed! My jewels and my clothes! 467

PISANO

(To VALERIO.) The locus dementis... never fails. 468

(Loudly.) You must tell that to the doctor. 469

ERIFILA

Would it not make a lot more sense 470

to arrest the robber and not the robbed? 471

PISANO

This obsession clearly runs deep. 472

MARTIN

Giddy up. 473

ERIFILA

Get your hands off me!

Robbed and imprisoned in one day! 474

I can’t believe this. 475

(The two madmen lead her away.)

PISANO

I must go.

We can meet again tomorrow. 476

VALERIO

Please thak the administrator 477

on my behalf for his kindness. 478

Orlando will be much better 479

if he’s not locked away to rot. 480

He’s not a violent man at all 481

and his fury will soon subside. 482

ERIFILA

(Shouting, off.) Try that once more and I’ll split your head! 483

VALERIO

Compared to that demented creature... 484

PISANO

I haven’t met a loony yet 485

who isn’t violent at full moon. 486

And we’ve discovered something else, 487

through scientific observation; 488

(MARTIN cries out in pain, off.)

they all have the strength of ten men. 489

VALERIO

Fascinating. 490

PISANO

The first sign and...

VALERIO

Then you must do as you see fit. 491

(Exit PISANO.)

Scene 6

VALERIO

Fortune’s made me its fool today 492

and brought me to the gates of death. 493

Filled with fear, I took Floriano 494

into the very pit of hell, 495

a sane man into the madhouse. 496

But it’s the madman who comes out. 497

When I saw her, that strange woman, 498

I felt my senses drain and fill. 499

I don’t know if I’ve los my mind 500

or even if I’ve one left to lose. 501

I’ve never seen such perfection; 502

she wounded my eyes, then my heart, 503

and I could do nothing but stare, 504

not knowing if she was an angel 505

or a woman of flesh and blood. 506

And I let them take her away. 507

The fool stood in simple silence 508

when he should have defended her, 509

offered her help, refuge, a home. 510

I am a witless oaf, a coward, 511

for my soul tells me she is sane, 512

for if she’s not, I’m the madman. 513

The lover mirrors the beloved, 514

that much is clear to all who love. 515

I have to see her again to test 516

the evidence of my senses. 517

But if I return to that place, 518

then they’ll have me in their cages 519

to cleanse this madness from my soul. 520

Scene 7

(The asylum yard. FEDRA and LAIDA appear.)

FEDRA

Tell me, just what’s so important 521

that it couldn’t wait till later? 522

Dragging me down to this cold yard, 523

with all the loonies watching us. 524

LAIDA

It’s not my fault... it’s a madness 525

within my soul... a joy... a rage. 526

Now the administrator’s gone out... 527

FEDRA

What’s my uncle to do with this? 528

LAIDA

He’s been a good master to me 529

but if he knew I was in love... 530

I brought you down here to see him. 531

FEDRA

No, Laida... it’s not one of them? 532

A loony? Madness is contagious. 533

LAIDA

Love knows no measure or restraint, 534

otherwise it would not be love. 535

FEDRA

And you feel love for a madman? 536

LAIDA

Love sees beyond the sight of eyes. 537

FEDRA

He’s sucked your brains dry already. 538

If you had brains in the first place, 539

which I doubt. 540

LAIDA

He seemed sane to me;

it wasn’t anything he said. 541

He stood there in total silence, 542

and in that silence touched my heart. 543

FEDRA

How can silence move you to love? 544

LAIDA

Any beautiful object can... 545

a lovely painting or a book. 546

He was as lovely as marble. 547

FEDRA

Then there’s no hope for you, Laida. 548

You’re in love with a raving fool. 549

LAIDA

I told you, Fedra, he doesn’t rave; 550

he just stood in silence and stared. 551

FEDRA

Because he thinks he’s made of stone. 552

LAIDA

The most beautiful stone, Fedra. 553

FEDRA

I feel sorry for you. 554

LAIDA

Don’t be.

FEDRA

Does he fly into mad furies? 555

LAIDA

With the moon, and next full moon time 556

I’ll share in his fury with him, 557

for my love grows kike his fury 558

under the sun of his beauty. 559

FEDRA

You’re as mad as your marble statue, 560

him and his moon, you and your sun. 561

A fine pair. Where’s your idiot from? 562

LAIDA

From Italy... mm... Italy. 563

FEDRA

I hope this statue speaks Spanish. 564

LAIDA

My lady, how little you know. 565

Love has made me Italian too! 566

(She sings.) La sensazione d’amore! 567

Scene 8

(FLORIANO appers wearing a hospital tunic. He feigns violent madness.)

FLORIANO

Chains! Chains! You talk to me of chains! 568

I am a guest in this castle, 569

a stranger in Valencia. 570

Well, my false and deceitful host, 571

do your worst, you’ll not frighten me. 572

So you’ve changed into a giant; 573

an old trick, can’t you do better? 574

I could fell you with just one blow! 575

FEDRA

Sweet God, he’s going to kill us all! 576

LAIDA

No, wait... something has upset him. 577

His spirit is gentle and kind. 578

FEDRA

Laida... he’s mad... crazy... insane. 579

FLORIANO

Good ladies, I wish you no harm; 580

considerer me at your service. 581

Please don’t be alarmed, stay here. 582

I’m not the violent madman you think, 583

no savage from wild America 584

nor barbarian from the north. 585

It was love brought me to this place, 586

love that reduced me to this state. 587

I am a man I cannot be 588

and have simply fled from who I was. 589

I have clothed myself in this madness. 590

I was the most wretched of men, 591

one who loved a noble lady, 592

a creature of fire and snow 593

who inspired love in all around. 594

And in particular in one 595

who came down to her from heaven, 596

who turned her head with promises 597

of glory and of power. 598

And so I clipped this angel’s wings. 599

FEDRA

Oh Laida! 600

LAIDA

Oh Fedra!

FLORIANO

He fell

and I took flight and hid my face 601

in this madness in Valencia. 602

FEDRA

Your story would cause stones to weep. 603

FLORIANO

I still walk in fear of my life; 604

my heart pounds with every question; 605

every day’s a waking nightmare 606

of gallows, of finding myself 607

suddenly hanging in mid-air... 608

of the rack and burning irons. 609

I have poured out my heart to you, 610

And beg you to keep my secret. 611

LAIDA

You like him too... it’s in your eyes. 612

FEDRA

Any woman would be the moon 613

that inspires this man’s madness. 614

LAIDA

So his madness has touched you too... 615

FEDRA

But how sane his words seemed to me... 616

LAIDA

Riddled with obsession and desire. 617

FEDRA

No, he sopoke with passion, with force. 618

LAIDA

(Pointedly.) Yes, mistress. 619

FEDRA

I’m intrigued...that’s all.

FLORIANO

When passion boils into jealousy 620

then the mind is indeed at risk. 621

But there are innumerable cures 622

bequeathed to us by the ancients. 623

Cool lavender oil on the brain 624

so that its scent dulls the senses; 625

then a series of slaps to the face. 626

In more extreme cases, bat’s blood 627

has been favoured by the doctors 628

and philosophers of Athens. 629

But if the jealousy is horned, 630

then there is no cure possible; 631

even Pan on high Olympus, 632

for all his pipes and magic ways, 633

found his jealousy eternal. 634

I too have lived in that abyss. 635

I tell you: to love is to fear, 636

to build castles of suspicion, 637

towers of doubt, from no cause at all. 638

FEDRA

Does this sound like madness to you? 639

There is a terrible clarity 640

in everything he has to say. 641

FLORIANO

My lady, may I beg a token, 642

a requiescat in pace 643

for the man I was and have buried? 644

FEDRA

What can I give you? 645

FLORIANO

Your ribbon,

as a talisman to keep me sane, 646

a reminder of the bright sun 647

I saw today in this dark place. 648

FEDRA

And my ribbon will be all that? 649

FLORIANO

That it comes from you makes of it 650

a holy grail, my guiding star. 651

LAIDA

Such nobility of purpose 652

demands a purple ribbon. 653

Take mine... it happens to be purple. 654

FLORIANO

I ask for the holy grail 655

and you offer me a clay cup. 656

LAIDA

I was right to be on my guard. 657

FEDRA

Take this: the ribbon you need is green 658

for green’s the colour of hope. 659

LAIDA

Remember what you said before, 660

about madness being contagious? 661

FEDRA

For heaven’s sake, Laida, you fool, 662

I’m simply keeping him amused, 663

putting up with all his nonsense 664

just to keep him under control. 665

I’ve suffered a thousand deaths here. 666

LAIDA

Your propriety knows no bounds. 667

FLORIANO

Her beauty is a temptation, 668

and Celia, what are you for me 669

but a sour and bloody memory? 670

You betrayed me. I can betray you. 671

FEDRA

Sweet Jesus... there’s someone coming. 672

They mustn’t find me here like this! 673

LAIDA

Oh, no, God forbid. Come with me. 674

You’ve your reputation to think of. 675

(They leave.)

FLORIANO

And now the warming sun has gone, 676

the darkness seems all the blacker. 677

Think of me, my lovely lady, 678

when you’ve nothing better to do. 679

Scene 9

(Enter PISANO, THOMAS and MARTIN, dragging ERIFILA behind them.)

ERIFILA

Why are you doing this to me? 680

PISANO

That’s enough ranting and raving 681

or you’ll find yourself in a cage. 682

You’re as mad as a whore in Lent. 683

ERIFILA

I was once, I’ll not deny it, 684

but not any more. One more thing. 685

I’m not a whore. Quite the reverse. 686

THOMAS

Here’s the chapel. I’ll keep vigil 687

over my arms and your honour, 688

my lady. But you must pay a toll. 689

ERIFILA

What? 690

MARTIN

Otherwise you don’t get in.

ERIFILA

Fine by me. 691

PISANO

Then you go to jail.

That’s the law in Valencia. 692

ERIFILA

What am I supposed to pay with? 693

Didn’t I tell you I was robbed? 694

MARTIN

You either pay or go to jail. 695

PISANO

I wouldn’t recommend the jail. 696

They’re not as gentle as we are. 697

FLORIANO

What’s going on? 698

MARTIN

Stay out of this.

THOMAS

If you’re a knight, tell me your name 699

and your station. 700

ERIFILA

I can’t think straight,

though that’s little surprise in here. 701

I could never survive in jail. 702

There’s only one choice: I’ll be mad. 703

PISANO

I’ll speak to the administrator. 704

Stay here... and no funny business. 705

Some hope in here. 706

Scene 10

FLORIANO

What loveliness!

I’ve never seen such perfection; 707

her face shines as bright as the sun, 708

leaving darkness all around her 709

and plunging me in confusion. 710

THOMAS

You can pay later. 711

MARTIN

She’ll pay now.

FLORIANO

My very good friends! Er... colleagues. 712

MARTIN

Do you mean us? 713

FLORIANO

Indeed I do.

What is it that she has to pay? 714

THOMAS

Her entrance toll. 715

FLORIANO

I’ll pay for her.

How much do you think this ring is worth? 716

MARTIN

Let me see it? 717

THOMAS

It’s a beauty!

MARTIN

I suppose you’ll want it back later, 718

when she’s given us her money. 719

FLORIANO

You can sell it. And buy some food. 720

THOMAS

Sir, you are a knight among knignts. 721

MARTIN

Tonight we’ll have rabbit and wine, 722

and wine, and some rabbit. 723

THOMAS

And wine.

(THOMAS and MARTIN leave.)

Scene 11

ERIFILA

What do you think you’re looking at? 724

FLORIANO

Even the moon and stars stare at you, 725

such is your beauty. Forgive me. 726

If I do not speak to her, I’ll die, 727

but how can I make her understand. 728

ERIFILA

He has a fierce look in his eye; 729

I think he might be dangerous, 730

but I can’t move. Not a muscle. 731

My fear won’t let me speak to him, 732

and my will won’t let me run away. 733

FLORIANO

I look into her eyes and drown. 734

What words can there be between us? 735

ERIFILA

What sort of creature then is he? 736

A blank mind in a perfect form. 737

FLORIANO

To see such beauty brought so low. 738

ERIFILA

A cathedral without its roof. 739

FLORIANO

A delightful chamber empty. 740

A marble statue with no life 741

of the spirit or of the mind. 742

Never was it truer that beauty 743

is judged by the eye, not the brain. 744

A blank mind in a perfect form. 745

Such beauty wasted by unreason. 746

ERIFILA

I don’t think he can be violent; 747

but what a waste of human form; 748

a golden chalice full of aire 749

when it could hold the finest wine. 750

God, I would lose my wits for him. 751

FLORIANO

The madhouse is a paradise, 752

and if this angel has fallen 753

then I’ll fall to earth with her too. 754

ERIFILA

If only I dared speak to him 755

but the last vestige of reason 756

has bound my tongue with iron bands. 757

FLORIANO

How can the sane worship the mad? 758

And yet it is love and not death 759

which is the great leveller. 760

ERIFILA

I’ve just awoken from a dream 761

and I feel sleep arising again. 762

I’ve lived my whole life sunk in sleep, 763

everything has been done in dream. 764

Did I leave my father’s house 765

without even a backward glance? 766

Who was it Leonato robbed? 767

Was it me that cried for vengeance 768

when a servant proved insulting? 769

My mind’s on fire, my thoughts aflame, 770

and I no longer know myself. 771

I’m standing looking at a madman 772

knowing full well I’d follow him 773

to the ends of the earth if need be. 774

They’ll have brought me to the madhouse 775

for some similar foolishness. 776

There can be no doubt about it: 777

it’s as clear as day: I am insane. 778

FLORIANO

Her eyes are clouding with new rage, 779

two bright stars eclipsed by the moon. 780

ERIFILA

That’s it! I’m mad, insane, possessed! 781

FLORIANO

Calm down, my love, control your thoughts. 782

ERIFILA

Those aren’t the words of a madman. 783

FLORIANO

Mad only with love for you, 784

and I swear that I’ll go madder. 785

ERIFILA

No, you must not say such things. 786

FLORIANO

Why hang on to my common sense, 787

like a drunkard to his last glass, 788

when the woman I love has none? 789

ERIFILA

If madness must be our common ground... 790

(Aloud.) A horse! A horse! Bring me a horse! 791

My kingdom and my eyes for a horse. 792

My lover Galahad awaits. 793

FLORIANO

Yes... a horse! I’ll have a horse too! 794

And a sword and an axe and a... 795

and all the other bits and pieces. 796

Alea iacta est. I’ve crossed 797

the Rubicon of sanity, 798

swam through the cold waters of reason 799

drawn to the warmth of this new love. 800

ERIFILA

You there, come and hold my stirrup. 801

FLORIANO

Your wish is my command, my love. 802

Where is it? 803

ERIFILA

You’re fondling my foot,

miserable squire. How dare you! 804

FLORIANO

A squiere? I am a captive, like you. 805

ERIFILA

A captive? I am Guinevere. 806

FLORIANO

Shall I be your Lancelot? 807

ERIFILA

Lancelot is a shining bright, 808

the most handsome man I have know. 809

He looks at women and they melt, 810

but none tempts his vow of chastity. 811

FLORIANO

No, not Lancelot... I’m Sir... Sir 812

Orlando. 813

ERIFILA

Sir Orlando? You’re black Mordred!

FLORIANO

I’m not black anyone, I swear. 814

I’ll be any knight that you want, 815

the whole round table if need be. 816

ERIFILA

Galahad! 817

FLORIANO

My lovely Queen!

ERIFILA

And Gawain? 818

FLORIANO

He’s green with envy.

Sorry, my learned little joke. 819

Once a scholar... of my love for you, 820

and dare I hope, of yours for me? 821

ERIFILA

You know Tristan? 822

FLORIANO

And Merlin too.

ERIFILA

They were good people and good times. 823

FLORIANO

Camelot was the place to be, 824

my Queen. 825

ERIFILA

He has a ready wit.

Either he’s sane as any man 826

or I’ve lost my senses utterly. 827

FLORIANO

I’ve been too clever for my own good. 828

I think she’s seen right through me. 829

I’ll have a frenzy of my own. 830

(Aloud.) For Spain and for Santiago, 831

into the valley of death I ride, 832

cannon to the right, guns on the left. 833

ERIFILA

It’s a far far better thing you do. 834

FLORIANO

Dulce et decorum est. 835

ERIFILA

Atque in perpetuo frater. 836

FLORIANO

Pro patria mori. 837

ERIFILA

Hic, haec, hoc.

FLORIANO

Morituri te salutant. 838

Scene 12

(Enter PISANO.)

PISANO

That’s enough hocus pocus. 839

Time for you to get your tunic on. 840

And you, Orlando, leave her alone. 841

I know what you loonies are like. 842

You’d do it on the street corner 843

like a couple of dogs in heat. 844

ERIFILA

It’s you’re the dog; you’re Arthur’s cur. 845

FLORIANO

Eh yes, that’s what you are, all right. 846

PISANO

Got a little thing going, eh? 847

You’ll not see each other again 848

until Carnival comes around. 849

My heart bleeds for you. 850

ERIFILA

Hopefully

to death. 851

PISANO

That’s enough noise from you.

Get inside. 852

ERIFILA

Farewell, my beautiful

madman. 853

FLORIANO

Farewell, my beautiful

madlady. 854

PISANO

(Leading ERIFILA off.) Come on then, walkies.

Scene 13

FLORIANO

My thoughts are tangled like a maze; 855

a labyrinth that’s built upon 856

a bottomless pit; if I fall 857

I’ll have lost myself for ever. 858

Reason can’t check these spinning thoughts 859

no more than a falling man 860

may pull himself up by the braces. 861

The sane man weeps, the madman laughs; 862

for the course that I have chosen 863

—though it’s the course that’s chosen me— 864

will lead only to tears and pain, 865

and yet I’d gladly lose my mind, 866

kill every ounce of common sense, 867

for that lovely creature, who has none. 868

Scene 14

(Enter VALERIO.)

VALERIO

I haven’t come to visit you, 869

since you’ve been here but half a day. 870

Business of my own brings me here, 871

a matter of life or death for me. 872

FLORIANO

What’s wrong, Valerio, tell me. 873

Have they found out I’m in here. 874

VALERIO

No one knows a thing, my friend, 875

and I swear that no one will 876

unless heaven conspires against us. 877

I’m here because I’ve lost my mind. 878

FLORIANO

What’s happened to you, Valerio? 879

You’re the most balanced man I know. 880

But your illness is plain to see: 881

it’s in the pallor of your cheek, 882

it’s in the wildness of your eye. 883

VALERIO

Did you see that girl they brought in, 884

crying that she’d been robbed and stripped? 885

More beautiful than the order 886

of the heavens and the planets, 887

more lovely than the elements, 888

than any living thing on earth... 889

FLORIANO

And this mad creature, is she yours? 890

VALERIO

Noy yet, but I’m already hers. 891

FLORIANO

Let’s find somewhere that we can talk, 892

and we’ll try to pluck this madness 893

from your soul, before it’s too late. 894

VALERIO

Floriano, it’s too late now. 895

The madness has consumed my soul. 896

There’s no cure, no miracle now. 897

How can a man tumbling through space 898

pull himself up by his own belt? 899

And why should he even want to try? 900

(End of Act One.)

Act II

Scene 1

(Enter FLORIANO.)

FLORIANO

Fortune must have its little joke, 901

piling despair upon despair 902

so that the will eventually snaps. 903

Sane or mad, we’re fortune’s playthings; 904

I was snatched from the gates of death, 905

and now I’m more dead than ever, 906

tossed like a leaf in the heart’s deep storm. 907

She looked with a goddess’s gaze, 908

in her eyes flared madness and fire, 909

and like a moth I flew too close, 910

spinning madly into the flame. 911

And when the storm in head and heart 912

had fanned the fire into white heat, 913

when I most needed time to think, 914

to freeze the molten flow of thought, 915

then the earth opened up below me. 916

My greatest and dearest friend 917

has been used by cruel fortune 918

as her most outrageous arrow. 919

Valerio, who gave me new hope, 920

without whom I would now be dead, 921

says that his life hangs from a thread, 922

and that whether she’s mad or sane 923

he means to have her for his own. 924

If he pretends she’s a relative, 925

then he’ll be granted full licence 926

to take her home. If I lose her, 927

whether she’s mad or if she’s sane, 928

then the only thing left to me 929

will be the madness of the storm. 930

Scene 2

(Enter FEDRA. She doesn’t see FLORIANO.)

FEDRA

I can’t settle to anything; 931

I’ve been wandering round this madhouse 932

like a ghost without a castle, 933

and my steps bring me here each time, 934

to the place that I first saw him. 935

Love has cut me down like a scythe, 936

my senses now control my sense, 937

and my whole being is possessed. 938

They say that love is a madness, 939

a fire that blazes within, 940

but I am covered in fire 941

and I would give myself to him, 942

do anything with him, for him, 943

to douse this fire in my brain, 944

in my heart and in my body. 945

FLORIANO

Then we’ll fight madness with madness. 946

FEDRA

Madness rises up to madness. 947

It changes colour, changes form, 948

like the artful chameleon, 949

matching itself to its desire. 950

FLORIANO

I’ve lost something! It’s quite, quite gone. 951

I don’t suppose that you’ve seen it? 952

FEDRA

I don’t suppose that you’ve seen me, 953

the torture and torment of my heart? 954

FLORIANO

You are beyond doubt a lady 955

of noble sensibility 956

that you should grieve so much for my loss. 957

You’ll get your reward in heaven, 958

my daughter. 959

FEDRA

In heaven or hell,

what difference does it make to me. 960

My appetite is here and now. 961

FLORIANO

What you need is fresh goat’s cheese. 962

Help me find my favourite pebble 963

and I’ll give you some aubergines. 964

Ho, everyone that thirsteth 965

come ye to the waters and drink! 966

FEDRA

There’s a fury in him I can’t touch. 967

FLORIANO

And those who hath no money, 968

let them come by too and eat. 969

Bring me the brains of the Baptist! 970

FEDRA

If I could find your brains for you, 971

I’d return them on a salver. 972

FLORIANO

Herodias! Jezabel! Whore! 973

You’ve sent. Salome to seduce me, 974

to parade her cruel beauty 975

in front of me and steal my mind. 976

FEDRA

And do you think me beautiful? 977

I’d dance for you, undress for you. 978

FLORIANO

My love has teeth as white as pearls, 979

and her lips as red as peppers; 980

her kiss is like a burning jewel. 981

I loved her once, I love her still. 982

Get thee behind me, Salome. 983

You can’t tempt me. Your mouth is pus. 984

FEDRA

And for pearl-white teeth and red lips, 985

you lost your mind? 986

FLORIANO

I lost my mind

and in its place I found wisdom 987

and then the devil appeared to me. 988

And with the pact we made I lost... 989

FEDRA

What, my poor love? 990

FLORIANO

I don’t remember.

FEDRA

Do you remember the ribbon, 991

the green ribbon that I gave you? 992

I said that it would bring you hope. 993

FLORIANO

I threw that hope back into the game, 994

into the mad game we play here, 995

and the ribbon just... disappeared. 996

Fortune dealt me a better hand. 997

FEDRA

What better hand? 998

FLORIANO

We gamble here

with stakes much higher than you think. 999

A lifetime’s hope and happiness 1000

on the single turn of a card. 1001

And I was dealt the Queen of Hearts... 1002

but now I see a Knave of Spades 1003

and he may win my Queen away. 1004

It’s time to turn the card and see. 1005

FEDRA

You’d gamble the hope I gave you? 1006

FLORIANO

I’d gamble all the hope in the world, 1007

the hope ot the future and the past. 1008

FEDRA

Shall I give you another ribbon, 1009

in case you should just lose your Queen? 1010

FLORIANO

I’ll accept your ribbon gladly, 1011

But I may give it to my love. 1012

Where is it? 1013

FEDRA

Here. Come and get it.

Can’t you see it? 1014

FLORIANO

You take it off.

FEDRA

My hands are trembling. Untie it. 1015

(FLORIANO begins to remove the ribbon from her throat.)

Oh, God, he’s almost in my arms. 1016

There’s no reason now to hold back. 1017

He’s nothing but a witless fool. 1018

FLORIANO

Get your hand out of my pocket! 1019

You’re trying to steal my pebbles! 1020

FEDRA

Let me hold myself against you. 1021

You’ve no sense of what’s right or wrong; 1022

why should any the more have I? 1023

Scene 3

(Enter ERIFILA, dressed in a hospital tunic and cap.)

ERIFILA

I wish you both health and long life. 1024

Here’s the man who wanted to be 1025

Lancelot to my Guinevere 1026

who made Gawain go green with envy. 1027

Just another lying bastard. 1028

One of the pleasures of madness 1029

is its freedom from all restraint. 1030

So I think I’ll say it again: 1031

just another lying bastard. 1032

And who do you think you are then? 1033

What fairy tale have you sprung from? 1034

Not the administrator’s niece, 1035

with more ribbons than a prize cabbage? 1036

If you’re sane, you’re mad to be here; 1037

his soul is sick, his mind twisted, 1038

and you dance upon his every word. 1039

You thrust yourself into his arms. 1040

FEDRA

Now don’t get angry, Elvira. 1041

ERIFILA

Better get back to your uncle’s, 1042

or I’ll change you into a toad. 1043

FEDRA

They have the strength of seven men, 1044

when the mood takes them. I’ll just go. 1045

Scene 4

FLORIANO

So it seems fortune’s tide has turned. 1046

They say jealousy’s the fruit of love; 1047

I’d say its root. It engenders 1048

the fiercest, most burning passion. 1049

(Aloud.) What melancholy’s this, my Queen? 1050

ERIFILA

I raised my voice to my mistress. 1051

My temper’s as quick as the wind, 1052

and now you’ll think that I love you 1053

when you’re already in love with her. 1054

FLORIANO

Elvira, on my mother’s grave, 1055

and for all that’s good and holy, 1056

if I’ve the least regard for her, 1057

let me be boiled alive in oil. 1058

And if I’m not Sir Lancelot, 1059

and Guinevere’s devoted slave, 1060

then let me be roasted or fried. 1061

We were playing a game that’s all, 1062

to see whether she likes butter, 1063

holding a flower to her chin. 1064

ERIFILA

I think I’d prefer you roasted. 1065

Remember these words, Orlando. 1066

I came here and I looked at you. 1067

After you, I’ll look at the wall. 1068

I don’t believe your butter game, 1069

but I’ll make you my Lancelot. 1070

FLORIANO

Love, intervene for this woman 1071

and restore her senses to her; 1072

God take Fedra’s if need be. 1073

ERIFILA

Love, if you indeed echo heaven, 1074

give this man back what he has lost. 1075

FLORIANO

Love, give back a soul to this face 1076

For she is a monster of beauty. 1077

Make her able to understand 1078

the great love that I feel for her. 1079

ERIFILA

Love, shed some light into his mind 1080

so that he can understand me. 1081

FLORIANO

Otherwise, heaven help us both. 1082

ERIFILA

How can I tell him who I am 1083

if I cannot trust his reaction? 1084

FLORIANO

If I cannot trust her reaction, 1085

how can I tell her who I am? 1086

ERIFILA

But the madwoman could tell him, 1087

For who’s to know it’s not fantasy? 1088

FLORIANO

The madman can speak the sane man’s thoughts. 1089

ERIFILA

Let’s talk together, you and I. 1090

FLORIANO

About Camelot? 1091

ERIFILA

About love.

What does love mean to you, good sir? 1092

FLORIANO

The principle of creation, 1093

a desire that’s born through the eyes 1094

and fires the mind and body: 1095

the perfect balance of two souls. 1096

ERIFILA

This isn’t madness. 1097

FLORIANO

The urge to have,

to possess, the beauty we see 1098

and in whose image we are formed, 1099

for all lovers are Narcissus. 1100

ERIFILA

He speaks like a philosopher. 1101

Ah, but that may be his obsession. 1102

FLORIANO

And beauty itself is varied: 1103

the beauty of appearances, 1104

harmony of outer form, 1105

which you have in great abundance, 1106

though you don’t understand a word; 1107

and the beauty of the intellect, 1108

distributed by St Peter 1109

to those souls about to be born. 1110

You must have been gazing at the moon 1111

and missed the gifts he pressed upon you. 1112

ERIFILA

Weigh your words with care, moonstruck fool. 1113

FLORIANO

I’m no more the moon’s fool than you. 1114

ERIFILA

The moon affects me once a month. 1115

FLORIANO

The moon is your sign, Elvira; 1116

all your brilliance is reflection. 1117

ERIFILA

And your brain is the size of a... 1118

FLORIANO

Planet. 1119

ERIFILA

Jupiter or Mercury?

FLORIANO

This woman’s clearly no one’s fool. 1120

(Aloud.) And what do you know of love’s sting? 1121

ERIFILA

That we talk of being arrowstruck, 1122

that arrows are shot from bows like moons, 1123

that love is a form of madness. 1124

All of this I knew in theory 1125

until I met you in this place 1126

and I felt the sting in my flesh. 1127

The theory was turned into fact. 1128

FLORIANO

You understand theory and fact? 1129

ERIFILA

This man sounds as sane as I am. 1130

FLORIANO

Who knows, she might have just struck lucky. 1131

ERIFILA

Do you understand what I mean? 1132

That I like you, that you please me, 1133

like pepper enriches red wine. 1134

FLORIANO

Like bacon after Holy Week, 1135

like mutton on a Saturday. 1136

ERIFILA

His wit’s too quick for a madman. 1137

FLORIANO

She’s sane! More than sane, she has wit! 1138

ERIFILA

I come from a noble family. 1139

FLORIANO

Mine has may lands in the north. 1140

ERIFILA

I ran away from my father 1141

with a servant who robbed and stripped me. 1142

FLORIANO

They say I killed a man, a prince. 1143

ERIFILA

He fled like a frightened whippet... 1144

FLORIANO

I pretended to be insane... 1145

ERIFILA

... and got nothing from me but scorn. 1146

FLORIANO

... to keep my neck out of the noose. 1147

ERIFILA

Are you telling me the truth? 1148

FLORIANO

Yes.

Are you? 1149

ERIFILA

I swear I am, my love.

Although I am not called Elvira 1150

nor am I as mad as you thought. 1151

Until they brought me here by mistake 1152

my name was Erifila 1153

and I was my father’s darling. 1154

You can trust me with your secrets; 1155

I’ll be as silent as the grave 1156

And I’ll worship you until I die. 1157

FLORIANO

The sky has opened up for me. 1158

Kiss me, Erifila. 1159

ERIFILA

Oh, yes,

I give myself to you in madness. 1160

Scene 5

(Enter PISANO.)

PISANO

I knew it. They’re at it like dogs. 1161

Bring a bucket of cold water! 1162

FLORIANO

You’re jealous, Pisano, that’s all. 1163

PISANO

Just because you’re out of your minds 1164

Doesn’t mean you’re a pair of rabbits. 1165

I’ll soon fix you. Martin! Thomas! 1166

FLORIANO

Piling despair upon despair. 1167

Scene 6

(Enter MARTIN and THOMAS.)

THOMAS

Moors on the coast! Man the cannon! 1168

PISANO

All right, Thomas, take it easy. 1169

I want them to be kept apart. 1170

Hobble him and manacle her. 1171

If they can manage it after that, 1172

then they must be contortionists. 1173

FLORIANO

It was my fault, so chain me up. 1174

PISANO

It was your fault? 1175

FLORIANO

Leave her alone!

PISANO

One more word, and it’s the cage for you. 1176

MARTIN

You were told when you arrived here: 1177

that men and women stay apart, 1178

until we go out for Carnival. 1179

THOMAS

What sort of maniac are you? 1180

PISANO

Get them out of my sight. 1181

THOMAS

Mush! Mush!

ERIFILA

(To PISANO.) Don’t think that I don’t see your game. 1182

I know that look that’s in your eyes. 1183

(MARTIN and THOMAS lead off FLORIANO and ERIFILA.)

Scene 7

PISANO

Mad attracts mad; natural enough. 1184

Like to like; birdbrains of a feather. 1185

But she churns the brains of the sane; 1186

my mind’s spinning like a windmill 1187

left standing in a hurricane. 1188

At my age, nothing excited me 1189

beyond a glass of good red wine. 1190

And now I look at the mirror, 1191

I fix my hair, practice my smile, 1192

make sure my clothes are hanging well. 1193

This is the madness of seagulls 1194

wheeling and pitching on the wind. 1195

But I’d not change it for the world. 1196

Scene 8

(Enter THOMAS.)

THOMAS

Pisano, there’s a knight outside 1197

with... with... 1198

PISANO

With what, Thomas, with what?

THOMAS

With an accent from Aragon. 1199

PISANO

Tell him I’ve got one already. 1200

THOMAS

Right! 1201

(THOMAS makes to leave.)

PISANO

Thomas, think straight. Who is it?

THOMAS

Your cousin from Zaragoza, 1202

the city constable, righter of... 1203

PISANO

You mean Liberto? 1204

THOMAS

Liberto!

PISANO

Then tell him to come in. Madmen... 1205

Scene 9

(Enter LIBERTO.)

LIBERTO

How could I come to Valencia 1206

and not call in here to see you? 1207

Though you understand, my mission... 1208

PISANO

Liberto, let me embrace you 1209

once and a thousand times over. 1210

LIBERTO

My dear cousin, my dearest friend. 1211

PISANO

You must consider this your home. 1212

LIBERTO

What do you mean? That I’m insane? 1213

PISANO

Simply that my home is your home. 1214

What business brings you to these parts? 1215

LIBERTO

You’ve heard about Prince Reinero? 1216

PISANO

Only some gossip here and there; 1217

some people say he’s been murdered, 1218

others that he’s safe in hiding, 1219

a lie cooked up for reasons of state. 1220

LIBERTO

The state never lies, not ever! 1221

He’s as dead as a piece of pork, 1222

and every constable in Spain 1223

has been dispatched to hunt his killer. 1224

But the less you know the better. 1225

PISANO

Prince Reinero was a good man. 1226

The whole of Spain seeks justice done. 1227

LIBERTO

Oh yes, we’ll get him, mark my words. 1228

His mistress gave us his portrait 1229

and commended his soul to hell. 1230

We had a hundred copies made. 1231

But I don’t want to say too much. 1232

PISANO

Can I see? 1233

LIBERTO

For a moment, yes.

Bear in mind it’s state propery. 1234

(He hands him a portrait.)

PISANO

It could be anyone... you or me. 1235

What does this say? 1236

LIBERTO

Floriano,

aetatis suae twenty-nine, 1237

perhaps thirty now. Remember 1238

appearances are deceptive. 1239

PISANO

There’s a gentle look in his eye. 1240

There’s some of them in here 1241

would kill you soon as look at you. 1242

One of them, Orlando, believe... 1243

LIBERTO

Is that loony there eavesdropping? 1244

My mission must remain secret. 1245

PISANO

He’s looking at the stars and moon 1246

and wondering where the sun’s gone. 1247

He’s as empty as a virgin’s bed. 1248

Your secret will be safe with him. 1249

But we’ll go to my apartments. 1250

No one will interrupt us there. 1251

(They leave.)

Scene 10

THOMAS

The world’s much too wide for secrets. 1252

Which is why they say walls have ears 1253

and what’s known to one is known to all. 1254

If I knew what this secret meant 1255

I’d save the life of my best friend; 1256

like Don Quijote I’d ride out! 1257

Scene 11

(Enter FLORIANO, his legs hobbled.)

FLORIANO

Now I’ve got no one to turn to. 1258

How do I get out of this place 1259

if I can’t trust Valerio? 1260

By God, I’m talking to myself, 1261

a sure sign of insanity. 1262

What ho, good sir Thomas, my Lord! 1263

THOMAS

Orlandito, my favourite squire. 1264

They’ve shackled you like a prize pig. 1265

FLORIANO

The old lady’s will, they call these, 1266

after the pitiful old crone 1267

who left her entire fortune 1268

to the prisons and castles of Spain. 1269

‘Buy something for the prisoners’, 1270

she stipulated. So they did. 1271

THOMAS

The knave who killed Prince Reinero 1272

should be shackled and whipped instead. 1273

And they’ll find him with that portrait. 1274

They’ll not leave any stone unturned. 1275

FLORIANO

Who told you? 1276

THOMAS

Pisano’s cousin.

FLORIANO

And did he show you the portrait? 1277

THOMAS

The varlet’s name began with ‘Flor’. 1278

FLORIANO

Floriano? 1279

THOMAS

Maybe.

FLORIANO

What else?

THOMAS

He’s thirty, give or take a year. 1280

FLORIANO

Do they know where the... varlet... is? 1281

THOMAS

By the hair of my beard, they don’t. 1282

FLORIANO

Where are they now? 1283

THOMAS

They’ve gone inside.

FLORIANO

I’ve a mind to see that portrait. 1284

You wait here. 1285

THOMAS

Don’t say I told you.

It’s supposed to be a secret. 1286

FLORIANO

I won’t breathe a word to a soul. 1287

THOMAS

Orlando, my favourite squire. 1288

(Exit FLORIANO.)

Scene 12

(Enter ERIFILA, her wrists manacled.)

ERIFILA

Thomas, what are you doing here? 1289

THOMAS

My Lady, how did you escape? 1290

ERIFILA

Martin was working on his book 1291

and he suddenly keeled over. 1292

THOMAS

He does that; authors often do. 1293

If Pisano finds you out here 1294

he’ll have your lovely guts for garters. 1295

ERIFILA

He’s already got me in chains 1296

like some rabid dog. 1297

THOMAS

He’ll beat you.

Though God knows it would be a sin. 1298

ERIFILA

Do you think I’m pretty, Thomas? 1299

THOMAS

As pretty as the moon and stars, 1300

and if I weren’t mad already... 1301

We could get married so we could! 1302

I’m... 1303

ERIFILA

Martin says you’re Don Quijote.

THOMAS

I say that to keep him happy. 1304

Because if I’m not Don Quijote 1305

then how can he be Cervantes? 1306

It’s simple. I’m the King of Spain. 1307

ERIFILA

Then I pledge to your majesty... 1308

THOMAS

What? What? 1309

ERIFILA

That I will marry you.

THOMAS

Now? 1310

ERIFILA

When broken shells make Christmas bells.

THOMAS

I don’t want to wait to Christmas! 1311

ERIFILA

Well, if there was a priest here now... 1312

THOMAS

A priest? I’ll fetch a cardinal! 1313

ERIFILA

Orlando has taken orders! 1314

Go and find him. He’ll marry us. 1315

THOMAS

Give me your hand. 1316

ERIFILA

My hands are chained.

THOMAS

By God, I’ll free you from your chains! 1317

ERIFILA

Just go and look for Orlando. 1318

THOMAS

Orlando, my favourite squire, 1319

a priest... who would have believed it? 1320

You’ll be a cardinal, my boy! 1321

(Exit THOMAS.)

Scene 13

ERIFILA

By the time he finds Orlando, 1322

he’ll have forgotten what he wants. 1323

Orlando, my love, I want you. 1324

I’ve never loved another man, 1325

felt the slightest stirring in my soul, 1326

till we met in this asylum. 1327

I watched Leonato sleeping 1328

every night, not closing my eyes 1329

in case he came into my bed, 1330

hating his touch upon my skin 1331

when he tried to draw me to him, 1332

thinking I’d never give myself 1333

to any man. I want you now. 1334

This madness has become my soul. 1335

Scene 14

(Enter FLORIANO, his face blacked up.)

FLORIANO

Elvira. 1336

ERIFILA

Floriano... what...

FLORIANO

A wise philosopher once said 1337

that life is like a game of chess, 1338

that white becomes black overnight, 1339

that intellect must play with passion. 1340

A king with his one hundred pawns 1341

moves relentlessly down the board 1342

to take one piece, a single knight. 1343

He sends his castle before him, 1344

a rook to put the knight in check, 1345

before the king clses in for mate. 1346

But what if the white knight turns black? 1347

ERIFILA

What do you mean a rook has come? 1348

FLORIANO

I’ve heard that he has a portrait. 1349

ERIFILA

I don’t think I like this game. 1350

FLORIANO

No,

but you’re a part of it as well, 1351

a queen who can pluck her knight from death. 1352

ERIFILA

What exactly is happening? 1353

Nobody’s listening; speak clearly. 1354

FLORIANO

One of Reinero’s men is here, 1355

and he has a likeness of me. 1356

ERIFILA

Then hide. 1357

FLORIANO

He must see the madman,

and seeing the madman, forget me. 1358

ERIFILA

Your secret proves your love for me, 1359

and I’ll help you, though it costs my life. 1360

Without you, my love, I have no life. 1361

FLORIANO

So they put chains on you as well. 1362

ERIFILA

Not chains, jewels in the eyes of love. 1363

FLORIANO

Love has made us one prisoner, 1364

bound and chained both hand and foot. 1365

ERIFILA

The chains around your feet, my love, 1366

I wear them willingly round my heart. 1367

If only my arms could open 1368

to draw you closer to my breast. 1369

FLORIANO

I hear footsteps! 1370

ERIFILA

Shall I stay or go?

FLORIANO

Stay... it’s too late now anyway. 1371

Scene 15

(Enter PISANO and LIBERTO.)

LIBERTO

I must get to Alicante 1372

before Friday. 1373

PISANO

You won’t stay then?

LIBERTO

I’ll take no rest till I find him, 1374

and I’ll hardly do that in here. 1375

PISANO

What do you two think you’re doing? 1376

FLORIANO

You treat me with rough injustice, 1377

more so in the dubious company 1378

of this ruffian. What do you want? 1379

I know that you want to hurt me. 1380

ERIFILA

Who are you? Go on, who are you? 1381

LIBERTO

I am here on the King’s business, 1382

in search of a dangerous man. 1383

It’s better you don’t know too much. 1384

FLORIANO

There are a hundred such men here. 1385

ERIFILA

What did he do, this dangerous man? 1386

LIBERTO

He killed a prince. 1387

ERIFILA

And what’s his name,

this dangerous man? 1388

LIBERTO

Floriano.

ERIFILA

A beautiful name. I’m his wife. 1389

LIBERTO

You could find yourself in trouble 1390

going around making claims like that. 1391

I’m on official state business. 1392

I am the King’s representative. 1393

PISANO

We have to watch this little one; 1394

butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth, 1395

but deep down... lovely, though, isn’t she? 1396

ERIFILA

Why doesn’t the King find my jewels? 1397

PISANO

Stolen jewels – that’s her obsession. 1398

FLORIANO

Because the King has been robbed too. 1399

ERIFILA

Who robbed the King? 1400

FLORIANO

I robbed the King!

ERIFILA

That’s all right then. You’re my prisoner. 1401

I have you in chains already. 1402

Speak! What did you steal from the King? 1403

FLORIANO

His crown. Then I looked for his sceptre... 1404

ERIFILA

Sceptre? 1405

FLORIANO

Sceptre I couldn’t find it.

ERIFILA

Will you give the King’s jewels to me? 1406

FLORIANO

Elvira, the crowned head of my heart. 1407

LIBERTO

I warn you... I’m the King’s agent. 1408

FLORIANO

Speak of the devil and you get 1409

his monkey riding on your back. 1410

PISANO

Neither of them know what they’re saying. 1411

Pay no attention, Liberto. 1412

FLORIANO

Do you have the slightest idea 1413

of who I am or what I’ve done? 1414

LIBERTO

I know you think you’ve robbed the King. 1415

I know what your game is, my lad. 1416

You’re the sort that loves confessing; 1417

you’d confess to killing Abel 1418

if you thought that I’d arrest you. 1419

FLORIANO

I’m going to throw the monkey off. 1420

Do you know why my face is black? 1421

LIBERTO

To match your humour, probably. 1422

Or your soul, if loonies have one. 1423

FLORIANO

It’s to make people notice me, 1424

like singing off-key in a choir. 1425

ERIFILA

It’s so that he can win at chess. 1426

PISANO

Any more and you’re in the cage! 1427

(To LIBERTO.) Orlando will be here for life, 1428

but Elvira leaves tomorrow. 1429

ERIFILA

Where? 1430

PISANO

You haven’t heard the news?

Your cousin wants to take you home; 1431

he’s assumed responsibility 1432

for your mental and physical care. 1433

ERIFILA

Cousin? 1434

FLORIANO

Cousin Valerio,

perhaps? 1435

PISANO

So you know her cousin?

ERIFILA

It will be the blackest of days 1436

before I eat and sleep in his house. 1437

I prefer my honest madness 1438

to his mealy-mouthed sanity! 1439

Who would be cured by a liar? 1440

I’d rather be locked in your cages! 1441

LIBERTO

I can see you have your hands full. 1442

PISANO

She rants and raves incessantly 1443

and never makes a drop of sense. 1444

FLORIANO

They told me you have a portrait. 1445

LIBERTO

What portrait? What do you know? 1446

FLORIANO

A portrait of the King of Spain. 1447

LIBERTO

Would you like to see it, madman? 1448

FLORIANO

I’d like nothing better in this world. 1449

LIBERTO

Then look and tell me who it is. 1450

(He hands him the portrait.)

FLORIANO

I know this face... and where he is. 1451

LIBERTO

Of course you do. 1452

FLORIANO

Just set me free

and I’ll tell you where to find him. 1453

LIBERTO

I’ve wasted enough time already. 1454

Pisano, I must take my leave. 1455

PISANO

I’ll walk with you into the town. 1456

LIBERTO

To tell you the truth, I’d welcome 1457

some normal conversation. 1458

I don’t know how you keep sane in here. 1459

(PISANO and LIBERTO leave.)

Scene 16

ERIFILA

If ever I doubted you were mad, 1460

I take it all back; you’re deranged! 1461

FLORIANO

But the King’s man will not be back. 1462

This is one stone that’s not been turned, 1463

because it’s turned itself for him. 1464

Tell me, where’s the madness in that? 1465

ERIFILA

My heart was bursting in my mouth. 1466

FLORIANO

Your heart was beating inside me. 1467

ERIFILA

Must I still call you Orlando. 1468

FLORIANO

My real name is Floriano. 1469

ERIFILA

Floriano. 1470

FLORIANO

Erifila.

ERIFILA

I thought you’d gone too far. 1471

FLORIANO

How can a madman go too far? 1472

ERIFILA

If I could I would hold you now... 1473

FLORIANO

I’ve never felt freer in my life. 1474

My mind is free, my hands are free. 1475

Scene 17

(Enter LAIDA.)

LAIDA

Thak God I came down when I did. 1476

Get your filthy hands off her! 1477

Leave her alone, you maniac! 1478

ERIFILA

Who is this damsel – of sorts? 1479

LAIDA

It’s not your legs you should have chained. 1480

Why are you so obsessed with her? 1481

FLORIANO

Because she looks at me with fire. 1482

LAIDA

Then look somewhere else, Orlando. 1483

At me, for example 1484

ERIFILA

At you?

Why should he want to look at you? 1485

You’re coarse, dull, with the face of a cow. 1486

I’ll call you Daisy. 1487

FLORIANO

I am a knight

who pays homage to his lady. 1488

LAIDA

Homage. It looked more like a grope. 1489

ERIFILA

Why don’t you go and get yourself milked? 1490

LAIDA

Orlando! Will you just stand by 1491

and let this madwoman insult me? 1492

ERIFILA

Lanmcelot, Guinevere is bored. 1493

Stay with your Daisy in distress, 1494

your dazzling bovine beauty. 1495

Her onion breath’s too much for me. 1496

FLORIANO

I’ll go with you to Camelot, 1497

my Lady. Let Daisy graze here. 1498

(ERIFILA and FLORIANO leave.)

Scene 18

LAIDA

I’ve been outwitted by half wits, 1499

With not a right thought between them. 1500

God help me, I love a madman, 1501

who prefers a madwoman to me. 1502

There’s no dignity, no joy, in that. 1503

Yet their madness fits hand in glove 1504

and I cannot understand their world, 1505

or break their circle of delusion. 1506

But if I could, he would love me, 1507

he would love me and cast aside 1508

his Guinevere of ice and snow 1509

for the fire of my eyes and heart. 1510

Scene 19

(Enter FEDRA.)

FEDRA

Laida, what brings you back down here? 1511

As if I didn’t know. 1512

LAIDA

Laida?

FEDRA

The most terrible thing’s happened. 1513

LAIDA

(Singing.) Volare, cantare, oh oh oh oh. 1514

FEDRA

My whole world’s gone, at one fell swoop. 1515

My uncle’s sending me away. 1516

My father’s written from Madrid 1517

ordering me home at once. 1518

There’s someone wants to marry me. 1519

LAIDA

An old man with an old man’s lance, 1520

not a knight with burning lips. 1521

FEDRA

Laida, it’s not your place to spec... 1522

LAIDA

I am the whore of Camelot. 1523

I know Arthur’s deepest secrets. 1524

I’ve lain with Galahad and Merlin. 1525

FEDRA

What’s got into you. Stop screeching! 1526

LAIDA

What’s got into me? Anyone 1527

and everyone. I know who I am. 1528

I am the whore of Camelot! 1529

FEDRA

Laida, you’re not yourself today. 1530

LAIDA

Where’s the drink you were to bring me? 1531

I told you to bring some sweet wine. 1532

Wench, I’ll teach you to obey. 1533

FEDRA

If you think you can talk to me... 1534

LAIDA

I’ll have you flogged till you drop, 1535

my ugly little serving maid. 1536

FEDRA

You’re mad. She’s gone mad, she must have. 1537

She’s lost her wits. 1538

LAIDA

I’ve found my wits!

I looked into his eyes and drank. 1539

FEDRA

Pull yourself together. 1540

LAIDA

Drop dead.

Volares, cantare, oh oh oh oh. 1541

FEDRA

Her madness holds the key to him. 1542

My Mistress, your wish is my command. 1543

LAIDA

I’ve been kept waiting overlong. 1544

FEDRA

The kitchen lad broke the bottle. 1545

LAIDA

Then have him whipped very soundly. 1546

Unless you want him for yourself. 1547

What does she think she’s playing at? 1548

FEDRA

You’ll not harm a hair on his head! 1549

He’s Lancelot’s favourite squire. 1550

LAIDA

You dare mention my lover’s name? 1551

Your filthy lips frame his fine name? 1552

With your snacke’s tongue, your pig’s snout, you... 1553

FEDRA

Fool, whore, don’t you know we’re married? 1554

LAIDA

She’s seen through me. 1555

FEDRA

I envy her madness,but by following her frenzy 1556

they’ll let me stay in the madhouse too. 1557

(Aloud.) The Pope of Rome in his white suit. 1558

LAIDA

She’s playing the same game as me. 1559

(Aloud.) I’ll buy a rope to hang your pope 1560

And I’ll have Lancelot instead. 1561

FEDRA

Lancelot wouldn’t spit on you 1562

even though you were dying of thirst. 1563

You’re just another ugly servant. 1564

In madness veritas. Why not? 1565

LAIDA

You’d be too frightened to lie with him. 1566

You’re frigid, you’re like death warmed up, 1567

you’re as cold as a piece of fish, 1568

too stuck up to have it stuck up. 1569

Now we’re really telling it straight. 1570

FEDRA

Bring me an axe and I’ll kill her! 1571

LAIDA

I’ll rearrange your face for you! 1572

FEDRA

Lying whore! 1573

LAIDA

Frigid bitch!

(They fight.)

Scene 20

(Enter SANCHO, the Administrator of the asylum, and VALERIO.)

SANCHO

You must excuse me, Valerio. 1574

I think that’s the matter settled, 1575

but this fraca’s driving me insane. 1576

VALERIO

It seems we got here just in time. 1577

There’s a madwoman at your niece’s throat. 1578

SANCHO

Good God, Fedra! What’s going on? 1579

Hey you, let her go! What’s your name? 1580

Pisano! Pisano! Come here! 1581

Get this shrew back into her cage! 1582

LAIDA

Ah, the wicked witch’s uncle. 1583

Don’t you recongnise me, Sancho? 1584

SANCHO

Laida! I can’t believe my eyes. 1585

Or my ears. You forget yourself. 1586

FEDRA

This foul-mouthed slut, this two-faced whore 1587

says that Orlando is her lover. 1588

SANCHO

Impossible! 1589

FEDRA

Of course it is.

Everyone knows he’s my husband. 1590

‘A poor thing, señora, but your own’, 1591

he told me in our wedding bed. 1592

He’s always been a great scholar. 1593

SANCHO

Fedra! Calm down! What’s this about? 1594

VALERIO

Don’t you recognise your own trade, 1595

Sancho? They’re both as mad as hares. 1596

FEDRA

Her love has got a red red nose. 1597

LAIDA

You thought I was your niece’s maid? 1598

Little man, how little you know. 1599

I am the Queen of Sheba. 1600

Look at my breast. It’s burnt with love. 1601

FEDRA

My breast too is covered with ash, 1602

where he has laid his hands and lips. 1603

SANCHO

For the last time, control yourselves. 1604

VALERIO

Someone has cast a sepll on them. 1605

SANCHO

This is not a spell or potion. 1606

I’ve seen the ravages of love 1607

work to evil effect before. 1608

I’ve made it a special study 1609

and published a treatise on this: 1610

Dr Sancho’s Ars Curandi: 1611

Antidotes to Ars Amandi. 1612

I’ll give you a copy later. 1613

VALERIO

Thank you. So you can cure them? 1614

SANCHO

No.

The madness has to run its course. 1615

It was a black, black day you brought 1616

your mad friend to this asylum. 1617

FEDRA

Everyone’s sad. Let’s have a dance. 1618

SANCHO

Things are going from bad to worse. 1619

(FEDRA and LAIDA dance.)

VALERIO

I think you’d better lock them up 1620

before anyone else sees them. 1621

Think of your niece’s reputation. 1622

Perhaps finding themselves in a cage 1623

will restore them to their senses. 1624

SANCHO

By God, I’ll kill them or cure them. 1625

And when I’ve finished with your friend, 1626

he’ll wish that he’d never been born. 1627

Advance methods are well and good, 1628

but when it comes to a crisis... 1629

VALERIO

If he knew what he was doing, 1630

if he was in his right mind, yes. 1631

But you can’t punish a madman 1632

for actions beyond his control. 1633

SANCHO

I’m in charge of this asylum! 1634

He’s been the root cause of all this. 1635

FEDRA

If you hurt him, I’ll kill myself, 1636

I swear I will. 1637

Scene 21

(Enter PISANO, accompanied by THOMAS and MARTIN.)

PISANO

You called me, sir.

I brought these two along in case. 1638

Is there trouble? 1639

SANCHO

Of the worst sort.

PISANO

Mistress Fedra, what are you doing? 1640

FEDRA

I’m waiting to see my husband. 1641

LAIDA

Yours! He’s mine! 1642

FEDRA

Easily explained.

You’re mad. 1643

LAIDA

You’re the crazy one.

THOMAS

They’re both clearly very disturbed. 1644

SANCHO

They’re both married to Orlando. 1645

I’ll soon rid them of that notion. 1646

MARTIN

My beautiful Laida, married! 1647

I’ll never write another word. 1648

LAIDA

You’d do well to keep out of this 1649

or Orlando will run you through. 1650

PISANO

Sanity’s a fragile thing, sir. 1651

And Orlando’s a dangerous man. 1652

But they’ll be safe enough in my care. 1653

SANCHO

And not a word to anyone. 1654

PISANO

Take them. 1655

THOMAS

Stand still.

FEDRA

You come near me

and my husband’ll flay you alive. 1656

LAIDA

My husband! 1657

FEDRA

He’s mine! We’re married!

(They close on one another again as THOMAS and MARTIN struggle to control them.)

SANCHO

It’s a pitiful spectacle 1658

that love should bring human beings so low. 1659

VALERIO

And now, about my madwoman... 1660

when can I have her home with me? 1661

(End of Act Two.)

Act III

Scene 1

(A room in the asylum. SANCHO and VERINO, a learned doctor.)

VERINO

I’m worried she’s not taking solids. 1662

By fair means or foul, by hook or crook, 1663

make sure she eats every day. 1664

Then with Godspeed and a fair wind 1665

her humours will trickle into place. 1666

SANCHO

She hasn’t eaten for two days, 1667

ever since we put her in the cage. 1668

VERINO

I suspected that from the outset. 1669

She’s suffering from atrophy, 1670

collapse through lack of nourishment; 1671

the stomach shrivels like a dry prune, 1672

like a piece of fruit in the sun, 1673

and then grows cold so the body 1674

freezes in its extremities. 1675

Press some vinegar to her nose 1676

or even better, some warm bread, 1677

and then plunge her elbows and feet 1678

into bowls of boiling water. 1679

There’s no doubt, that’ll do the trick; 1680

she’ll be up and about in a flash. 1681

SANCHO

Can you treat her melancholy? 1682

VERINO

Ah yes, I saw that from the start. 1683

It’s a form of catalepsis, 1684

when the melancholic humours 1685

blow hot throughout the body, 1686

like the sirocco from Algery. 1687

The ancients termed it ‘erotes’, 1688

viz: the erotic obsession 1689

which drives your niece’s waking thoughts. 1690

Sorry, not delicately put, 1691

I’m afraid, but there it is. 1692

The lovesick, a common ailment 1693

in which the senses rise up, 1694

leading to fits of wildest fury. 1695

But we’ll have her back on her feet 1696

Before you can say ‘catatonia’. 1697

SANCHO

Her fits have become worse of late. 1698

VERINO

Ah, that was always in the runes. 1699

Posidonios of Athens 1700

discovered that the membranes swell, 1701

constricting the supply of blood 1702

to the equitable humours. 1703

There are a thousand and one cures; 1704

as many as we’ve had hot dinners, 1705

you and I, but there’s one danger: 1706

remove the madman from her sight 1707

and your niece will surely die. 1708

SANCHO

How can I keep them together? 1709

VERINO

Ah, I see you follow my drift. 1710

You must go to her and pander. 1711

SANCHO

Pander? 1712

VERINO

Yes, to her obsession.

Tell her she will indeed marry 1713

the object of her delusion. 1714

We turn to nature for our cure, 1715

to the natural principle 1716

that woman forms herself in man 1717

as matter itself seeks out form. 1718

SANCHO

Marrying Orlando would cure her? 1719

VERINO

As surely as day follows night. 1720

She would return to her first sense, 1721

Shattered by her late obsession. 1722

I quote from the Master Galen: 1723

‘Lock ye not the madman away 1724

for melancholy grows apace 1725

with darkness and with solitude.’ 1726

His meaning is, I think, crystal clear. 1727

SANCHO

Indeed. You mean... 1728

VERINO

What day is it?

SANCHO

Tuesday... Shrove Tuesday!... Carnival! 1729

VERINO

When all Valencia celebrates. 1730

Let them join the celebrations 1731

to disperse those grey dense vapours 1732

and then we’ll feed her heart’s desire. 1733

We’ll marry them this afternoon. 1734

By night she’ll be as right as rain. 1735

SANCHO

There’s no question of a wedding night. 1736

VERINO

The subject is, of course, delicate. 1737

Have no fear. Feed her obsession 1738

and her sanity is assured. 1739

SANCHO

Talk of the devil... and here’s his monkey. 1740

VERINO

Monkey? 1741

SANCHO

Orlando’s coming down.

Scene 2

(Enter FLORIANO, muttering.)

FLORIANO

They can do what they will to me, 1742

kill me, hang, draw and quarter me, 1743

but they’re not going to make me go. 1744

SANCHO

What’s worrying you, Orlando? 1745

FLORIANO

Pisano wants me to go out 1746

to beg for alms this afternoon. 1747

SANCHO

We do it every carnival; 1748

the inmates look forward to it. 1749

VERINO

That’s precisely what Galen meant. 1750

To the drunkard, wine; the madman, air. 1751

FLORIANO

It’s the shame of it, with madmen, 1752

parading up and down the street 1753

when I’m saner than any of you 1754

and better educated too. 1755

I’m not going out to be gawped at. 1756

SANCHO

Pisano! Pisano! 1757

PISANO

(Voice off.) Yes sir!

SANCHO

You can let Orlando stay here. 1758

FLORIANO

(To Verino.) I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure. 1759

VERINO

You don’t remember your old friends? 1760

FLORIANO

No! Who are you? 1761

VERINO

I’m the doctor.

I saw you when you first came in. 1762

FLORIANO

Good sir, good sir, I’m delighted 1763

to make your acquaintance again; 1764

the company of learned men 1765

sits well with me; men of science 1766

who know the very soul of things. 1767

VERINO

Let me talk to you, my poor boy. 1768

Doy you know what the word ‘soul’ means? 1769

FLORIANO

The soul is both the prime mover 1770

and the perfection of the body. 1771

VERINO

If I said ‘heart’, what word would you say? 1772

What word comes straight into your mind? 1773

FLORIANO

‘Less’. 1774

VERINO

Less heart?

SANCHO

Heartless.

VERINO

Ah, heartless.

Chains? 1775

FLORIANO

Balls.

VERINO

Balls?

SANCHO

Balls and chains, doctor.

VERINO

Ah, balls and chains. Very good. In? 1776

FLORIANO

Sane. 1777

VERINO

Out?

FLORIANO

Of your minds, all of you.

VERINO

Marry? 1778

FLORIANO

Who?

VERINO

I’ll ask the questions.

Fedra? 1779

FLORIANO

You’ve got to be joking!

VERINO

This is fairly new technique; 1780

I don’t think much of it myself 1781

and I doubt if it will catch on. 1782

But one thing has become quite clear! 1783

This man talks as though he were sane, 1784

even though he’s obviously mad. 1785

It’s a curious condition, 1786

though not unknown, and with Godspeed... 1787

SANCHO

The doctor’s mention of Fedra 1788

was not as idle as it seemed. 1789

My niece has gone out of her mind 1790

because of her great love for you. 1791

VERINO

We propose that you marry her 1792

in an attempt to restore her wits. 1793

FLORIANO

Do you mean really marry her? 1794

SANCHO

What should we say? 1795

VERINO

It’s carnival;

tell him it’ll be make-believe. 1796

SANCHO

No, it will be just make-believe. 1797

That will be enough to cure her. 1798

And we’ll be suitably grateful. 1799

FLORIANO

In that case, how can I refuse? 1800

SANCHO

I’ll send for you when we’re ready. 1801

FLORIANO

I await your call, good doctors. 1802

(SANCHO and VERINO leave.)

Scene 3

FLORIANO

At least I don’t have to go out 1803

and show myself in the city. 1804

Apart from the embarrassment, 1805

which is no small consideration, 1806

it could still be dangerous for me. 1807

It’s my life not my sanity 1808

that’s still in play; but locked away, 1809

my secret remains within these walls. 1810

God knows what secrets they have seen, 1811

and what secrets they have kept silent. 1812

Scene 4

(Enter ERIFILA.)

ERIFILA

I’ve been looking for you, Orlando, 1813

to give you my congratulations, 1814

even though they stick in my throat. 1815

May you have and hold your Fedra 1816

for a thousand years to come. 1817

FLORIANO

News travels fast in the madhouse. 1818

ERIFILA

Fedra’s shouting it from the rooftops. 1819

FLORIANO

Don’t let anger blind your good sense. 1820

This is just make-believe, nothing more. 1821

You should be laughing, not angry; 1822

it’s Fedra’s the dupe, not you. 1823

ERIFILA

So you think this is amusing? 1824

This is a trifle to be laughed at? 1825

From now on, you’re a married man! 1826

FLORIANO

Married? 1827

ERIFILA

That’s what a wedding does.

It marries you. 1828

FLORIANO

No it doesn’t.

I’m not gelling married for real. 1829

ERIFILA

You’ve agreed to the arrangements. 1830

FLORIANO

The arrangements are real enough 1831

but the intention is to cure her; 1832

we’ll be no more married than the priest, 1833

and even he will be a fake. 1834

There’s nothing to worry about. 1835

It’s a good deed; just play-acting. 1836

ERIFILA

So you think love is mere theatre, 1837

that the soul is laughing-stock? 1838

Yesterday you pledged your soul to me. 1839

FLORIANO

My love, may God strike me down dead 1840

if I’ve spoken an untrue word; 1841

may my heart which is yours burst wide, 1842

may all my hopes be turned to dust 1843

and my peace be consumed by war. 1844

My day rises and sets with you, 1845

and you can plunge me into darkness, 1846

but I swear that I haven’t lied. 1847

ERIFILA

Now I know that Fedra’s your wife. 1848

Your protestations are fuelled by guilt 1849

and trip too lightly off the tongue. 1850

There’s not a single word of truth 1851

in anything you’ve said to me, 1852

except today’s your wedding day. 1853

What did I ever ask from you? 1854

We asked, we owe, each other nothing; 1855

I gave you nothing and God knows 1856

It’s nothing that I take away. 1857

Yesterday we met, today we part; 1858

There’s nothing more to be said for us. 1859

Was it you took me from my home? 1860

Was it you brought me to this land? 1861

What have you ever done for me? 1862

What services or tokens of love 1863

have you ever pressed upon me? 1864

And just what difference will it make 1865

on earth, in heaven or in hell, 1866

whether you marry her or me? 1867

I’ve no reason to call you cruel; 1868

you’ve simply flattered to deceive. 1869

I’ve no right to stop your marriage 1870

for I’ve played my own part in this charade, 1871

and I’ll atone in my own way. 1872

So from now on, false Orlando 1873

I wash my hands of you. For good. 1874

FLORIANO

Love’s not a stain to be washed away 1875

nor a sin to be cleansed by water. 1876

Heaven will bring you back to me, 1877

for though our love’s barely days old 1878

I’ve held you in my heart for years, 1879

through the shades and mysteries of the soul. 1880

Philosophy tells us time and space 1881

are folds on destiny’s dark robe. 1882

We are the linchpin of time and space, 1883

upon which countless angels dance. 1884

We are cast in the image of stars, 1885

in the guiding stars of our love. 1886

And in our two days of desire 1887

we have known and loved each other 1888

for a hundred – a thousand! – years. 1889

ERIFILA

Always the bloody philosopher! 1890

I’d rather talk to the simplest fool 1891

than listen to your false science, 1892

to your bluster and your breeze. 1893

FLORIANO

Then what words will you listen to? 1894

That my soul is frozen with fear, 1895

that my heart is burning with fire, 1896

that hell has opened at my feet 1897

and that I balance on the edge. 1898

Only say the word and I’ll fall 1899

or now that fortune’s freed your hands 1900

hold out your arms, Erifila, 1901

and your husband will live again. 1902

ERIFILA

You do not realise how contempt 1903

is born quickly from betrayal. 1904

I could not hold out my arms to you 1905

were you drowning and crying to me. 1906

FLORIANO

I know you well, Erifila. 1907

I know your heart is full of love. 1908

ERIFILA

Leave me alone! 1909

FLORIANO

My love!

ERIFILA

Your love?

FLORIANO

I love you. 1910

ERIFILA

You’re marrying her.

FLORIANO

There’s a hollowness within me. 1911

ERIFILA

I’m sure Fedra will fill it well. 1912

FLORIANO

I want you. 1913

ERIFILA

You’ve asked for Fedra.

FLORIANO

You’re crying; are your tears false too? 1914

ERIFILA

What tears? You’ve turned my eyes to stone. 1915

FLORIANO

I’ll kill myself. 1916

ERIFILA

I’ll get the sword.

FLORIANO

Do you mean it? 1917

ERIFILA

Do you mean it?

FLORIANO

Just say the word, I’ll cut my throat. 1918

ERIFILA

You’d be doing yourself a favour 1919

if you simply cut out your tongue. 1920

You allow it to wag too much. 1921

You’ve let it say yes to Fedra. 1922

FLORIANO

You want me to cut out my tongue 1923

to spite your face. 1924

ERIFILA

Someone’s coming.

VALERIO

(Voice off.) Don’t worry, I can manage her. 1925

I’ve got a couple of servants 1926

waiting for me outside the gates. 1927

FLORIANO

Of all people, Valerio! 1928

He’s coming for you. 1929

ERIFILA

I hope he is.

FLORIANO

You won’t go. 1930

ERIFILA

Just watch me and see.

Scene 5

(Enter VALERIO.)

VALERIO

I’ve come to take you home with me. 1931

ERIFILA

Dear cousin, I rejoice to see you. 1932

VALERIO

How goes it with you. Orlando? 1933

FLORIANO

In God’s truth, things couldn’t be worse. 1934

VALERIO

I don’t think you’ve got room for complaint. 1935

Did you hear I got the licence? 1936

ERIFILA

And I give thanks to God for it. 1937

FLORIANO

And God knows how happy that makes me. 1938

VALERIO

She’ll want for nothing in my house. 1939

FLORIANO

Except her sanity. 1940

VALERIO

I’ll cure her.

FLORIANO

And what will you expect from her? 1941

VALERIO

It’s not right to abandon her here. 1942

I’ve thought about nothing else since, 1943

so much I’ve started to believe 1944

that she really is my cousin. 1945

ERIFILA

When I leave this place, this madhouse, 1946

I’ll shake the dust from off my feet. 1947

I hear they’re having a wedding, 1948

that there’ll be lots of fireworks 1949

for a marriage that’s made in hell, 1950

a marriage of carnival fools. 1951

Take me home, good Valerio. 1952

VALERIO

You’ll see the wedding after all, 1953

for Don Sancho’s invited me. 1954

Though who the bride and bridegroom are... 1955

ERIFILA

Who cares! With you by my side, 1956

kind Valerio, we’ll see them married, 1957

and with you I feel my fury wane. 1958

FLORIANO

Yours is the cold fury of the sane. 1959

ERIFILA

An eye for an eye, my true love. 1960

FLORIANO

You go to a greater prison, 1961

where your feelings are kept locked away. 1962

If that’s what you want, so be it. 1963

But the madhouse will still be here, 1964

and you can always come back home 1965

or you can stay away for ever. 1966

ERIFILA

Valerio, take me away. 1967

VALERIO

I’ve a sedan chair at the gate. 1968

FLORIANO

As soon as the gates slam behind her, 1969

She’ll be sorry. 1970

ERIFILA

Gladly. 1971

FLORIANO

We’ll miss you.

VALERIO

Goodbye, my friend.

I must get her home while I can. 1972

I’ll come back later. 1973

ERIFILA

I shall not.

Goodbye for ever. You’re a fool. 1974

It’s your wife now I feel pity for. 1975

FLORIANO

When an angel passes us by 1976

it’s always a consolation 1977

to have a bottle of wine to hand, 1978

to keep the lonely cold at bay. 1979

ERIFILA

I’m sure you’ll soon drink Fedra dry. 1980

FLORIANO

You’ll be the sorry one, my love. 1981

ERIFILA

Well, you’ll be too drunk to notice. 1982

FLORIANO

Off you go, like a frightened lamb 1983

in the hands of the butcher’s boy. 1984

(VALERIO leads ERIFILA away.)

Scene 6

FLORIANO

All that fury, all that frenzy, 1985

were simply the blustering of love. 1986

Suspicion, jealousy and love 1987

make for passionate bedfellows. 1988

But I had to swallow love and pride 1989

because Valerio was there, 1990

because I still owe him my life 1991

and because my life depends on him. 1992

I feel her absence already, 1993

crawling like a presence on my flesh, 1994

but she’ll be back. I know she will. 1995

Love cannot die so easily. 1996

Meanwhile let’s sit back and wait 1997

to see what this sham wedding brings. 1998

(Exit FLORIANO.)

Scene 7

(Enter PISANO, brandishing a whip. He cracks it around LAIDA, THOMAS, MARTIN, BELARDO (a madman who thinks he is Lope de Vega), MORDACHO and other inmates. Several of them sing in foreign languages. Bedlam.)

PISANO

Not an offensive word or look 1999

from any of you, is that clear? 2000

No touching yourselves or each other. 2001

We’re here to make people happy, 2002

make them go on their way with a smile, 2003

digging deep into their pockets. 2004

Right, off you go. We need the money. 2005

MARTIN

Alms, for pity’s sake, give us alms. 2006

BELARDO

Charity for poor lunatics. 2007

MORDACHO

Do, re, me, fa, so, la, te, do. 2008

LAIDA

This madness is taking hold of me. 2009

I must remember not to forget 2010

that I’m sane. I mustn’t forget 2011

to remember. To remember... 2012

MORDACHO

Man and woman are music; life, 2013

the stars, the moon, the sun, the sky; 2014

the planets, the zodiac, all things 2015

contain music within themselves. 2016

Music is the beauty of things. 2017

La musique avant toute chose. 2018

Do, re, me, fa, so, la, te, do. 2019

BELARDO

Poetry if it is to be such, 2020

and song is merely a lesser form, 2021

must combine passion with instruction, 2022

music with a sense of purpose, 2023

pleasing the ear, speaking to the mind. 2024

MARTIN

Alms, for pity’s sake, give us alms. 2025

BELARDO

Charity for poor lunatics. 2026

LAIDA

Orlando’s eyes are deepest blue, 2027

Like the deepest lake I ever saw. 2028

I think I drowned in them once. 2029

THOMAS

Alms! Who’ll give alms to these poor souls? 2030

PISANO

Look into your hearts and deeper 2031

into your pockets, good townsfolk. 2032

Scene 8

(Enter a GENTLEMAN, in travelling clothes.)

GENTLEMAN

Miserable wretches. Who are they? 2033

PISANO

Loonies. 2034

GENTLEMAN

So a... a... what is the noun

for madmen? 2035

PISANO

A chaos perhaps.

GENTLEMAN

Indeed, a chaos of madmen. 2036

PISANO

From the city asylum, sir. 2037

GENTLEMAN

The marvel of all Valencia 2038

is its asylum, I’ve heard tell. 2039

Zaragoza’s, in comparison, 2040

languishes in the dark ages. 2041

One of the seven wonders, I’m told, 2042

of human charity in this world. 2043

The crowning glory of the city. 2044

It would be a pity to leave 2045

without having visited it, 2046

without seeing its poor inmates 2047

in their own sauce, so to speak. 2048

Are they always as quiet as this? 2049

PISANO

They’ve all been receiving treatment. 2050

Some of therm were... well, quite violent. 2051

GENTLEMAN

Were they indeed. And you cured them? 2052

Who’s he? 2053

PISANO

He was a musician, sir

who one day found he couldn’t write 2054

or sing anything but the scale. 2055

GENTLEMAN

And him? 2056

PISANO

We call him Belardo.

He says he’s a famous poet, 2057

that in his lifetime he has lived 2058

a hundred lives and has written 2059

well over two thousand plays, 2060

novels, epics and pastorals, 2061

that he sailed with the Armada 2062

and looked upon Ireland’s green shore, 2063

that he was exiled from the Court 2064

and visited by the Inquisition, 2065

that in time he became a priest 2066

and has fathered fifty children, 2067

that he has known the madness of love. 2068

GENTLEMAN

Those of us still in our right minds 2069

should give thanks to God for His mercy. 2070

BELARDO

The madhouse, sir, is a godless place 2071

and all the ills of this false world 2072

are visited here. No one escapes. 2073

GENTLEMAN

No one? 2074

BELARDO

No one can cast stones,

because there’s no one so intact 2075

they don’t carry some act of madness, 2076

some terrible insanity 2077

in their memory or in their mind. 2078

Who can say they know who they are? 2079

GENTLEMAN

This man is some kind of sorcerer. 2080

PISANO

They say he was a great scholar, 2081

both of the arts and of the stars. 2082

MORDACHO

Do, re, me, fa, so, la, te, do. 2083

Was that how the concerto goes? 2084

God help me, I can’t remember. 2085

PISANO

I can see, sir, you’re fascinated. 2086

GENTLEMAN

I would see more of this wondrous place. 2087

PISANO

In that case, come this afternoon. 2088

You’ll see something you’ll never forget. 2089

Two of them are getting married. 2090

GENTLEMAN

Then I’ll come as your guest, my friend. 2091

PISANO

My honour and privilege, sir. 2092

GENTLEMAN

Take this as a sign of my thanks. 2093

PISANO

May God repay your kindness, sir. 2094

Come to the asylum at five. 2095

You won’t forget this day, I promise. 2096

Right, you lot. 2097

LAIDA

Orlando, I love you!

MORDACHO

I remember semi-quavers! 2098

THOMAS

The wole wide world’s a madhouse. 2099

MARTIN

But it’s all quietly covered up. 2100

BELARDO

Why should there be only nine muses 2101

when there are nine thousand poets? 2102

Why should there be only nine muses 2103

when every madness has its own? 2104

(They shuffle off.)

Scene 9

(A yard inside the hospital. SANCHO and VERINO.)

SANCHO

The cure has been miraculous! 2105

As soon as she heard they’d be married, 2106

she ate, she drank, she spoke, she slept. 2107

VERINO

There you are, all’s well that ends well. 2108

She had her obsession fulfilled 2109

and back she came, like Lazarus. 2110

You can’t give herbs to the lovesick. 2111

Ovid knew that centuries ago. 2112

So the only possible cure 2113

was the remedy I prescribed. 2114

Give her a week; you won’t know her. 2115

SANCHO

Can you do anything for Laida? 2116

VERINO

One thing at a time, good Sancho. 2117

Let’s not go rushing our fences. 2118

It’s time I had a look at Fedra. 2119

SANCHO

I’ve sent for her to be brought down. 2120

In fact, that’s her coming now. 2121

Scene 10

(Enter PISANO and FEDRA.)

PISANO

Go in and stand quietly there 2122

or else they’ll think you’ve changed your mind. 2123

FEDRA

Orlando? Isn’t he coming? 2124

Orlando? Where is he? 2125

SANCHO

Calm down.

He’ll be here in just a minute. 2126

FEDRA

And we’ll get married when he comes? 2127

SANCHO

Once the priest comes, as sure as day. 2128

PISANO

I’ve invited a special guest. 2129

He’s made a handsome donation. 2130

VERINO

Good, good, the more the merrier. 2131

FEDRA

Let everyone share my joy today. 2132

(Exit PISANO.)

SANCHO

Now Fedra, take this calmly please. 2133

FEDRA

I can’t be sane without my madman. 2134

SANCHO

But you will be... after you’re married? 2135

FEDRA

Yes, yes, a thousand times over. 2136

This has been a squall at sea, 2137

a sudden storm that began to rage 2138

and no less quickly died away 2139

when my ship came in to harbour 2140

with its rigging down and its sails torn. 2141

VERINO

We’ll get the wind back in your sails. 2142

Godspeed, Fedra, Godspeed! 2143

FEDRA

Orlando!

Orlando! Why don’t you bring him now? 2144

Scene 11

(PISANO ushers in the GENTLEMAN.)

GENTLEMAN

With your permission, my good sirs, 2145

I’ve come to witness this wedding feast. 2146

SANCHO

Your company does us honour. 2147

FEDRA

Will Your Honour keep us company? 2148

SANCHO

Pisano, go and get the... hmm... guests, 2149

those of them that are... presentable. 2150

What’s a wedding without its guests! 2151

(Exit PISANO.)

FEDRA

Never was truer word spoken! 2152

Send out four messengers at once 2153

to all the corners of the realm 2154

and tell the people of this land 2155

that Orlando is wed today, 2156

and ley there be celebrations 2157

from Gibraltar to the Pyrenees. 2158

(PISANO returns with some inmates, dragging benches.)

PISANO

Some benches. 2159

SANCHO

Please, sir, be seated.

GENTLEMAN

Thank you. 2160

FEDRA

Are you going to leave me standing? 2161

VERINO

It’s time to bring the bridegroom down. 2162

PISANO

I’ll go. 2163

(Exit PISANO.)

FEDRA

I’m waiting... and my head hurts...

SANCHO

You give me your word you’ll stop this, 2164

you’ll control your reckless senses, 2165

once and for all when you’re married? 2166

FEDRA

Then I’ll be as sane as you are. 2167

But I warn you: if this is a trick... 2168

SANCHO

I would not try and trick my niece. 2169

You’d be mad even to think it. 2170

VERINO

Careful now. Remember, she is. 2171

Raving mad. 2172

FEDRA

Then where’s the best man?

VERINO

It can be one of the inmates. 2173

GENTLEMAN

For such a wonderful wedding; 2174

I wouldn’t dream of such a thing. 2175

Perhaps I... 2176

VERINO

You are kindness itself.

GENTLEMAN

That’s it settled then; I’m best man. 2177

FEDRA

To be best man you must be a knight. 2178

GENTLEMAN

I am a prince of Old Castile. 2179

VERINO

I thought I recognised the type. 2180

Mark my words: there’s trouble brewing here. 2181

Classic case: delusions of grandeur. 2182

SANCHO

Let’s face one problem at a time. 2183

FEDRA

Here he comes, here comes Orlando! 2184

SANCHO

At last! Let the wedding begin! 2185

Scene 12

(The inmates appear two by two: THOMAS, MARTIN, BELARDO, LAIDA, MORDACHO, followed by PISANO who is leading FLORIANO by the hand. FLORIANO is dressed as a bridegroom, tut in an exaggerated way.)

SANCHO

I’d like Fedra next to the groom. 2186

Laida, you can be bridesmaid. 2187

LAIDA

If I were the last woman on earth, 2188

I wouldn’t do bridesmaid for her. 2189

VERINO

Stay there! 2190

LAIDA

Over my dead body!

SANCHO

All right, let someone else do it. 2191

FEDRA

Such a sensitive little soul. 2192

FLORIANO

Enough arguing for one day! 2193

Have you no respect for your husband? 2194

FEDRA

Do I not have any rights here? 2195

FLORIANO

You can’t have any rights. You’re mad. 2196

Or had you forgotten? 2197

FEDRA

Hardly.

FLORIANO

So not another word from you 2198

until it’s time to say ‘I do’. 2199

FEDRA

Who do you think you’re talking to? 2200

BELARDO

The soul ages with arguments. 2201

FLORIANO

I’m talking to my future wife. 2202

Or have you suddenly changed your mind? 2203

SANCHO

That’s enough! A mild contretemps, 2204

a tiff between two starred lovers. 2205

FLORIANO

It would be best to say nothing 2206

for the truth here would cut like a knife. 2207

FEDRA

There are things that I could say too! 2208

SANCHO

All right! All right! 2209

MORDACHO

We’re hanging about

like spare parts. We look like half-wits. 2210

THOMAS

I don’t think much of this wedding. 2211

MARTIN

I feel a chapter coming on. 2212

LAIDA

Fedra was always a lying bitch. 2213

In her wedding dress she looks like a witch. 2214

SANCHO

Doctor, this is getting out of hand. 2215

VERINO

Belardo, some entertainment. 2216

Get them to dance. 2217

BELARDO

Have I a choice,

but to organise this danse macabre? 2218

(The inmates dance a masque and then, with the exception of LAIDA, all of them leave.)

Scene 13

(Enter VALERIO and ERIFILA.)

VALERIO

Why are you doing this to me? 2219

ERIFILA

It’s not you that I’m running from; 2220

it’s my life I’m running towards. 2221

SANCHO

What’s going on here? 2222

VALERIO

This madwoman,

as soon as she set foot in my house, 2223

howled as though the floor were molten 2224

picked up her skirts and came running here. 2225

I followed her as best I could. 2226

SANCHO

What’s this all about, Elvira? 2227

Why treat this good man so cruelly? 2228

He only wants the best for you. 2229

ERIFILA

His was a house full of sadness; 2230

All my happiness, all my joy 2231

Were here, in this place of madness. 2232

I’d have died if I’d stayed away. 2233

VALERIO

There’s neither rhyme nor reason to this. 2234

ERIFILA

Who’s lookin for rhyme or reason? 2235

This is madness, this is passion. 2236

This is beyond the peace of love 2237

and there is no greater affliction 2238

in this world than jealousy. 2239

Give up all hope for me, 2240

for all I want is Orlando. 2241

VALERIO

Orlando is out of his mind, 2242

we all know that. Leave her to me. 2243

Who knows what evil influence 2244

he has exercised on her poor brain. 2245

FLORIANO

My friend, there’s no sense to what you say. 2246

If she’s acting without reason, 2247

as you claim, I cannot be blamed. 2248

If she’s mad, then no one’s to blame. 2249

ERIFILA

Are you married? 2250

FLORIANO

Yes, I’m married.

Can’t you see all the guests are here? 2251

ERIFILA

You mean you actually did it? 2252

You bastard! Treacherous bastard! 2253

FLORIANO

I married her because you left, 2254

because you said you hated me, 2255

because you loved Valerio, 2256

or have you lost your memory 2257

as well as your mind? You left me, 2258

and in front of these witnesses 2259

I command you to go back home. 2260

Blood flows much thicker than water; 2261

Don’t disappoint your loving cousin. 2262

ERIFILA

I didn’t believe you would do it. 2263

FLORIANO

She really thiks I married her. 2264

ERIFILA

If you think I’ll lie down and die 2265

or turn silently to the wall, 2266

that I’ll let her take you away, 2267

then you’d do well to think again. 2268

FLORIANO

God knows what she’s likely to say... 2269

ERIFILA

Because, Floriano, if you think 2270

murder can hide behind madness... 2271

FLORIANO

God! She’s killed me by her own hand. 2272

(Aloud.) Ha! Ha! Ha! 2273

ERIFILA

That you can hide here

after the greatest crime of all, 2274

the murder of Prince Reinero. 2275

SANCHO

Reinero... Floriano... you! 2276

FLORIANO

Ha! Her brains have finally addled. 2277

I’m dead. 2278

SANCHO

Seize him.

FLORIANO

I’m mad, insane.

How could I have killed anyone? 2279

PISANO

You’re as sane as anyone here! 2280

SANCHO

Seize him. There’ll be a rich reward. 2281

Valerio, I blame you for this. 2282

VALERIO

He was my friend, what was I to do? 2283

GENTLEMAN

Have I got the right end of the stick? 2284

You say this man killed Reinero? 2285

If that’s all he did, let him go. 2286

VERINO

Ah, I knew it! 2287

SANCHO

You must be mad!

Who do you think you are, butting... 2288

GENTLEMAN

Tell them if I’m mad, Orlando. 2289

FLORIANO

You’re a ghost that’s sent to haunt me! 2290

GENTLEMAN

Touch my hand. 2291

FLORIANO

Your Highness, Prince Rei...

I don’t understand. I killed you. 2292

VALERIO

You’re Reinero? 2293

GENTLEMAN

At your service, sir.

VALERIO

This is some sort of mad charade, 2294

something dreamt up for carnival. 2295

GENTLEMAN

I can assure you; I’m Reinero. 2296

VERINO

Floriano didn’t kill you then. 2297

GENTLEMAN

I see you are a logician, sir. 2298

My death was engineered. A ruse. 2299

FLORIANO

A ruse! What sort of ruse was that? 2300

GENTLEMAN

You and I loved the same woman: 2301

Celia, the flower and the star 2302

of the town of Zaragoza. 2303

I was desperate to win her heart. 2304

I held fiestas outside her house, 2305

tournaments with brave and noble knights, 2306

colourful dances and music, 2307

bullfights, parades and processions; 2308

and I would send her emerald rings, 2309

bracelets of the finest amethyst, 2310

all engraved with secret messages, 2311

with codes and cyphers and symbols 2312

that I hoped her heart would understand. 2313

But nothing... no, worse than nothing. 2314

She seemed to hold me in disdain. 2315

One dark night I went to her house, 2316

pulled there like a moth to the light, 2317

accompanied by three of my men. 2318

One of them a page, dressed like me, 2319

looking like me in every way 2320

was to wait outside in the street. 2321

It was a simple and easy trick 2322

to keep my name from prying eyes. 2323

It was that page you wounded 2324

and who later died there, in the street. 2325

I ordered my men to silence 2326

and had my untimely death announced. 2327

By noon the news spread far and wide; 2328

the whole city was moved to tears, 2329

and I sent spies to Celia’s house 2330

to report to me her reaction. 2331

The page was buried that afternoon 2332

with all the pomp due to a prince. 2333

I rode south to Valencia, 2334

a city that I’ve always loved. 2335

A messenger arrived today; 2336

Celia’s beside herself with grief. 2337

He lovely face is stained with tears 2338

and she’s locked herself away. 2339

I leave Valencia tomorrow 2340

and would be glad to take you with me. 2341

We’d make good travelling companions, 2342

You the madman and me the corpse. 2343

FLORIANO

The sky has opened up for me! 2344

VERINO

Let me say I am delighted 2345

to have my diagnosis confirmed. 2346

I have always said: ‘Here’s a sane man.’ 2347

And by God, you’re as sane as I. 2348

SANCHO

What happens now to Elvira? 2349

VERINO

A more tragic case altogether. 2350

Her madness is beyond repair. 2351

ERIFILA

My name is not Elvira. 2352

VERINO

No?

This is an attack coming on. 2353

FLORIANO

Her real name is Erifila, 2354

she was robbed by her servant 2355

and she’s as sane as you or I. 2356

VERINO

You have no grounds for that statement. 2357

Now my considered judgement, 2358

based on my study of Galen... 2359

SANCHO

Erifila, you must forgive us. 2360

VALERIO

(To FLORIANO.) It’s you Erifila loves, my friend, 2361

and there’s not a force on this earth 2362

that should ever come between you. 2363

Marry her, and with my blessing. 2364

FLORIANO

You’ve given me the gift of life 2365

twice over, my friend Valerio. 2366

Erifila? 2367

ERIFILA

Floriano,

give my regards to your good wife. 2368

FLORIANO

It was a piece of theatre, a sham. 2369

I told you that; for Fedra’s sake. 2370

ERIFILA

You’ve sailed close to the wind, my love 2371

But this time I shall forgive you 2372

Just his once. 2373

FEDRA

And what about me?

GENTLEMAN

Is there anyone who will take 2374

our jilted bride? 2375

VALERIO

if she were sane...

I confess I find her pretty... 2376

But not another madwoman. 2377

I need love. I yearn for quiet, 2378

not constant fits and bursts of fury. 2379

FEDRA

My madness was merely pretence, 2380

a trick to win Orlando’s heart. 2381

LAIDA

Ah, into his heart... not his bed. 2382

SANCHO

You’re not mad? 2383

FEDRA

Not in the slightest,

dear uncle, dear doctor, dear friends. 2384

Valerio, I will be your wife. 2385

VALERIO

And I’m the happiest of men. 2386

LAIDA

You all think I’m mad too, don’t you? 2387

SANCHO

Is there any reason to think not? 2388

LAIDA

There’s every reason... lots of them. 2389

VERINO

I’ve diagnosed you already. 2390

A classic case of melancholia. 2391

LAIDA

Fedra simply imitated me. 2392

I’d be happy now to be a maid, 2393

to go back to what I was before. 2394

I’d be happy scrubbing and washing. 2395

Please don’t lock me up again... please. 2396

GENTLEMAN

Is there anyone in this madhouse 2397

who is mad? 2398

(They look towards VERINO.)

VERINO

Referring to LAIDA.) Melancholia.

The surging of the black humours 2399

under the baleful sign of Saturn. 2400

GENTLEMAN

So let the marriages take place 2401

with the greatest celebration. 2402

VALERIO

Though surely not in this bleak place. 2403

GENTLEMAN

And then we ride for Zaragoza. 2404

(They all leave, except LAIDA, a lonely figure looking for lost pebbes. A heavy door slams shut behind the departing guests.)

(End of Act Three.)

EPILOGUE

BELARDO

This is not the way things should be, 2405

loose ends and jagged shards of words. 2406

Art is harmony as life is, 2407

and Laida should not be left thus. 2408

Was her wrong-doing any greater? 2409

Let us see things a different way: 2410

When he flees from Erifila 2411

Leonato meets the Gentleman 2412

and enters upon his service. 2413

A coincidence, but possible. 2414

The curious wedding’s announced 2415

and Leonato attends it too. 2416

More than that, he becomes best man 2417

though we can imagine his fear 2418

as Erifila re-appears 2419

like a ghost from his sordid past. 2420

But then he hears Verino speak: 2421

‘A more tragic case altogether. 2422

Her madness is beyond repair’, 2423

His former mistress has gone mad 2424

in the words of a learned doctor. 2425

His jellied gust turn into valour: 2426

(So perhaps.)

VERINO

A more tragic casi altogether. 2427

Her madness is beyond repair. 2428

LEONATO

I think I should say something here. 2429

I’m prepared to be her husband, 2430

Although I was her servant once. 2431

Madwomen cannot be choosers. 2432

SANCHO

You know her. Then enlighten us. 2433

LEONATO

I rescued her from cruel parents 2434

and led her to this paradise. 2435

I looked after her day and night, 2436

I respected her chaste honour. 2437

ERIFILA

You chased my honour night in, night out; 2438

then you stripped me and stole my jewels! 2439

VERINO

The obsessive melancholic. 2440

The surging of the black humours 2441

under the baleful sign of Saturn. 2442

GENTLEMAN

You’d do well to tell the truth, boy. 2443

LEONATO

I’ve still got them. She can have them back. 2444

SANCHO

In that case they can be married! 2445

FLORIANO

Erifila, for that’s her real name, 2446

has been promised to Valerio. 2447

And I owe Valerio my life. 2448

VALERIO

(To FLORIANO.) It’s you Erifila loves, my friend, 2449

and there’s not a force on this earth 2450

that should ever come between you. 2451

Marry her, and with my blessing. 2452

FLORIANO

You’ve given me the gift of life 2453

twice over, my friend Valerio. 2454

Erifila? 2455

ERIFILA

Floriano,

Give my regards to your good wife. 2456

FLORIANO

It was a piece of theatre, a sham. 2457

I told you that; for Fedra’s sake. 2458

ERIFILA

Then, my love, I shall forgive you. 2459

Just this once. 2460

FEDRA

And what about me?

GENTLEMAN

Is there anyone who will take 2461

our jilted bride? 2462

VALERIO

If she were sane...

I confess I find her pretty... 2463

But not another madwoman. 2464

I need love. I yearn for quiet, 2465

not constant fits and bursts of fury. 2466

FEDRA

My madness was merely pretence, 2467

a trick to win Orlando’s heart. 2468

LAIDA

Ah, into his heart... not his bed. 2469

SANCHO

You’re not mad? 2470

FEDRA

Not in the slightest,

dear uncle, dear doctor, dear friends. 2471

Valerio, I will be your wife. 2472

VALERIO

And I’m the happiest of men. 2473

LAIDA

You all think I’m mad too, don’t you? 2474

SANCHO

Is there any reason to think not? 2475

LAIDA

There’s every reason... lots of them. 2476

VERINO

I’ve diagnosed you already. 2477

A classic case of melancholia. 2478

LAIDA

Fedra simply imitated me. 2479

I’d be happy now to be a maid, 2480

to go back to what I was before. 2481

I’d be happy scrubbing and washing. 2482

Please don’t lock me up again... please. 2483

GENTLEMAN

Is there anyone in this madhouse 2484

Who is really mad? Listen, boy, 2485

here’s your chance to make restitution. 2486

LEONATO

Sir, I need no second bidding, 2487

for this maid to be mine. Sweet Laida, 2488

you and I are kindred spirits, 2489

and I see in your soul a beauty 2490

matched only by your lovely face. 2491

Do you think you could care for me? 2492

LAIDA

Sir, you give me life and freedom, 2493

and I shall worship your every step. 2494

GENTLEMAN

So let the marriages take place 2495

with the greatest celebration. 2496

Then we ride for Zaragoza. 2497

FLORIANO

The man who murdered you breathes again 2498

and thanks you for his life renewed. 2499

(The End.)